Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Return of a Black Planet

Okay, two things before I lay this Public Enemy jive on you:

1. The Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich at Jack in the Box is Pulp Fiction to the McGriddle's Jackie Brown. If you've had the UBS, you know what the fudge I'm talking about.

2. It's my birthday today. I'm so old I owe Jesus a dollar, I did keg stands with Moses, and I rode a dinosaur to school every day in 1902.

Alright then. On Friday, I watched Return of the Jedi with Public Enemy's classic 1989 album Fear of a Black Planet. Like every synch-up I've tried since La Star Wars Cisto, this one fell way short of the mind-blowing mark. Here's what went down (yes, I started Fear after the second 20th Century roll):

- As the scroll is going in the beginning, a voice in "Contract on the World Love Jam" is heard saying, "the future of the world is in doubt."

- "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" begins as the scrolling text fades away.

- Chuck D says, "Here we go again!" roughly the same time the Star Destroyer comes into view.

- The first evil laugh in "911 is a Joke" coincides with Jabba the Hutt's first appearance.

- A lot of stuff happened during "Welcome to the Terrordome." The song begins as C-3PO is taken away in the dungeon; The first chorus (which is just Chuck D yelling, "Welcome to the Terrordome!") coincides with a shot of Jabba eating a frog; the soundclip of the guy saying, "Would you please join me in welcoming..." sounds as Princess Leia enters Jabba's palace with Chewbacca; the second chorus coincides with the close-up of the thermal detonator Leia is holding; the third chorus coincides with the exterior shot of Jabba's palace.

- A weird clunking noise in "Pollywanacraka" sounds as carbonite-frozen Han Solo hits the ground after Leia releases him.

- "Can't Do Nuttin For Ya" is playing as Obi-Wan's ghost appears to Luke on Dagobah.

- The lights underneath the stolen Imperial shuttle blink in time with Flavor Flav's shouts on "War at 33 1/2" (at least I think it was that song - could be another one).

Yippee. That whole "Terrordome" sequence played out like some cheesy 1980s music video. Still, it was way better than "Jedi Rocks."

Tonight I'll get back on here and talk about my excursion to the Carolinas. Right now, I feel like Dom DeLuise's underpants after two days in Phoenix. I'm going to go lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling.


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