Friday, March 10, 2006

Hot For Greedo



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


1984, Van Halen's most popular album and their last with "Diamond" David Lee Roth. Contains their biggest hit ever, "Jump." Also contains "Hot for Teacher," which, as far as I'm concerned, is mankind's greatest achievement. Moon landing? That was just a trip to the drugstore. Map of the human genome? More like some toddler's Crayola scribblings. Edward Van Halen took his finger-tapping technique to dangerous and unexplored places in that song, and the fact that he has not been awarded a Congressional Medal of Honor for his achievements is history's biggest crime.

As usual, I started the album right after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- One of the many "jumps" in "Jump" coincides with the explosion that rocks the Tantive IV.

- The phrase "shiny machine" is heard in "Panama" as the camera is on R2-D2's shiny dome.

- David Lee Roth says, "Ow!" in "Drop Dead Legs" as R2-D2 is short circuiting after the Jawa attack.

- The line "you know that you want it" is heard in "Drop Dead Legs" as the Jawas take R2-D2 away.

- The line "I've got it bad, so bad" in "Hot for Teacher" is heard as Luke delivers his infamous Toschi Station complaint.

- David Lee Roth says, "I think the clock is slow" in "Hot for Teacher" as Luke tells C-3PO he wishes he could speed up the harvest.

- The camera is on Princess Leia's hologram as we hear "are you for real? it's so hard to tell" in "I'll Wait."


This is pretty good, considering how sparse most of these Van Halen records have been. Of course, now I want to run out and buy Women and Children First, just so I can try it with Star Wars and see if the entire Roth-era is a wash. That'll have to be my next big purchase (aside from gas, food, clothing, and french ticklers).

Oh, and by the way: anyone who disagrees with me about that "Hot for Teacher" thing is a freedom-hating terrorist. You've never seen Osama wearing a Van Halen shirt, have you? I rest my case.


Blogger dplunk said...

First of all, I could not agree with you more that Hot for Teacher is the greatest piece of music every written. What a great idea to combine one of the greatest bands ever, with one of the greatest movies ever. Keep up the good work.

8:13 PM  

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