Monday, March 20, 2006

Never Mind the Banthas



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols. Released in October of 1977, it was the Pistol's crowning achievement. The band broke up three months later, leaving many to wonder what could have been. Of course, it would be hard to top Bollocks, an album Rolling Stone once claimed was second in importance only to Sgt. Pepper. I own the British version, which is different from the standard U.S. version in that "God Save the Queen" is right before "Problems."

As usual, I started the album right after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The line "now I wanna see some history" in "Holidays in the Sun" is heard as the opening crawl starts.

- The line "claustrophobia, it's too much paranoia" in "Holidays in the Sun" is heard as we first see the droids, stuck in the corridor of the Tantive IV as it is rocked by an explosion.

- As we see a shot of the Rebel soldiers running down the corridor of the Tantive IV, the line "when will we fall?" is heard in "Holidays in the Sun."

- "Bodies" starts at about the same time the fighting aboard the Tantive IV starts, and we see lots of bodies falling to the ground.

- Darth Vader enters and surveys the dead bodies aboard the Tantive IV as the line "screaming, fucking bloody mess" is heard in "Bodies."

- The camera is on Vader as the line "you're an animal" is heard in "Bodies."

- The backwards noise at the start of "No Feelings" coincides with the Stormtrooper firing his stun gun at Princess Leia.

- R2-D2 turns around and looks at C-3PO as we hear the line "your brains are locked away but I love your company" in "No Feelings."

- Luke is seen telling his Uncle about R5-D4's bad motivator as the line "you've got a problem, whatcha gonna do?" in "Problems" is heard.

- The first chorus of "Seventeen" ("I'm a lazy sod") begins at the same exact moment Luke stops working on R2-D2 to ask C-3PO about the rebellion against the Empire.

- "Submission" starts as Luke is staring at the twin sunset, realizing he must submit to his Uncle's wishes.

- Luke runs out to look for R2-D2 on the horizon as the line "I've gotta solve your mystery" is heard in "Submission."

- Luke is looking through the binoculars at the Banthas as the line "I can't tell you what I've found" is heard in "Submission" (that's the part where he says, "Well, there are two Banthas down there, but I don't see any Sand People...").

- The cough at the end of "Submission" coincides with the Krayt dragon noise Obi-Wan makes to scare the Sand People.

- The line "we are ruled by none" is heard in "EMI" as the Death Star council is talking.


You know that little break in "Bodies" right before the singing starts? That almost synched up perfectly with the Imperial invasion of the Tantive IV. The snare hit that starts the rest of the song was just a few seconds off from the door exploding into flames.

Also, had I been using the American version of Bollocks for this one, "Problems" would have started around the time the Jawas captured Artoo. That would have been a little more fitting than "God Save the Queen."

But hey, I'm not complaining. This is the best experiment I've tried in weeks. Leave it to those wacky Sex Pistols. I wonder if any of them are into Star Wars. I highly doubt it, but you never know. Who would have guessed Rotten was so totally into nature before he did those Discovery Channel shows? Not me.


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