Thursday, March 30, 2006

Wait for the Bantha



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The Black Album, the Damned's gothic 1980 masterpiece. A dizzying tapestry of macabre melodies and spooky sound effects that retains the group's upbeat persona. Don't know how they managed that, but Gawd bless 'em for it. Produced by Hans Zimmer (or overproduced, as the band will tell you).

As usual, I started this bad boy right after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- One of the weird noises towards the end of "Lively Arts" coincides with the stormtrooper firing his stun gun at Princess Leia.

- The line "what do I see?" in "Twisted Nerve" is heard as Threepio spots Artoo inside the sandcrawler.

- The line "why does it always end like this?" in "Hit or Miss" is heard as R5-D4 epxlodes.

- "Sick of This and That" plays through the entire scene where Luke argues with his Uncle about leaving Tatooine, and the lyrics seem to reflect everything Luke is saying and thinking ("I say you're messing me around, and you say I'm getting out of hand/I'm sick of the country, sick of the town, sick of the future, it's getting me down"). For a full breakdown, check the notes section.

- During the line "who is the victim, who is the innocent?" in "13th Floor Vendetta," the camera is on Obi-Wan for the "victim" part and then cuts to Luke for the "innocent" part.

- The jagged guitar noise at the end of "Therapy?" begins the same time Luke sees his relative's dead bodies; the noise continues through the next scene where Leia faces the torture droid.

- In the middle of "Curtain Call," the weird, creepy noise heard right after all the footsteps coincides with a shot of the stormtroopers who are marching into Docking Bay 94 to try and capture Luke, Obi, Han, and the droids.


Okay, so this is how "Sick of This and That" plays out with Star Wars in its entirety. As soon as Luke says, "I've been thinking about our agreement," the song starts. The following lines are heard as Luke and Owen argue:

I say you're messing me around
and you say I'm getting out of hand

I'm sick of the country
Sick of the town
Sick of the future
It's getting me down

I say the future's going to last
You say there's nothing in the past

I'm sick of the government
Sick of the police
Sick of the boredom
I want release

Around the time we hear "boredom," Luke gets up from the table and walks out. As he's walking to his little cliff outside, the following is heard:

I can recall a strange event
I gave you nothing with my compliments
A discontent that efferents
An emptiness or nothingness
That's heaven sent

Then, as our hero stares into the setting suns:

I'm sick of the country
Sick of the town
Sick of the future
It's getting me down

The song finally winds down as Luke walks into his room to discover that R2-D2 is missing.

Without a doubt, this is the closest a song has ever matched exactly what is happening onscreen at that moment. Andrew Lloyd Weber couldn't have choreographed a more perfect musical interpretation of that scene. I'm totally astounded.

There was a larger pattern of songs beginning or ending as one scene in the movie dissolved to the next, but aside from "Sick of This and That," there was no real connection between the songs themselves and what was happening in the movie. I suppose you could argue that "Hit or Miss" during the droid auction was apropos, seeing as you never know what you're getting from those shady Jawas, but that's about it.

That "who is the victim, who is the innocent?" bit was pretty good, too. Obi-Wan is totally the victim of decades of Jedi oppression. That's why he lives in a shack on Tatooine. Generally speaking, victims of oppression don't live in mansions.

Luke is the innocent, but more importantly, he's sick of this and that. Golly, that was really something. Someone call the Damned up and see if they'll license their song for a Broadway musical I've just decided to write entitled Living in These Star Wars. It'll fill more seats than Cats and The Producers combined. Betcha I could get John Stamos to play Han Solo.

And now, a completely unnecessary Randy Jackson impression:

Wow, "Sick of This and That." Listen, man, you came out here, you did your thing, and it was hot! Dog pound, that was hot, wasn't it? America loves you, "Sick of This and That." They love you - listen to that! That's love right there. Yeah!


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