Friday, July 14, 2006

Millennium Falcon or Die



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


March or Die by Motörhead. Often characterized as the worst Motörhead album, which isn't hard to understand. Lifeless cover of "Cat Scratch Fever," acoustic ballad with Ozzy backup vocals, and a couple tracks that sound like they were ghostwritten by Poison. Not the band's finest hour, but hey, at least Slash shows up and plays some nice widdly-widdly for you.


- The line "I don't know where they come from but they sure do come" in "Catch Scratch Fever" is heard as numerous stormtroopers are seen advancing upon the Tantive IV crew.

- The weird, phasery ending of "Cat Scratch Fever" coincides with the escape pod being jettisoned and soaring down to Tatooine.

- The line "cold steel" in "Jack the Ripper" coincides with a tight shot of R2-D2's silver dome.

- One of the Jawas bounces along in time with "Jack the Ripper" right before the robot auction.

- The line "gone out of sight" in "Asylum Choir" coincides with Luke scanning the horizon for R2-D2 through his binoculars but seeing nothing.

- "Too Good to Be True" begins as Obi-Wan removes his hood, revealing himself to R2-D2.

- The "watch out!" at the end of "You Better Run" is heard as Darth Vader begins moving towards Admiral Motti, who he is about to Force choke.

- "March or Die" starts as the Imperial soldier is seen marching down the Death Star detention block hallway after the door shuts on Princess Leia's cell.

- The line "the day has come" in "March or Die" coincides with Luke telling Obi-Wan he wants to go to Alderaan.


Not bad, not bad. If this experiment were a member of the 1986 New York Mets, it would be Howard Johnson. Not crucial, but fun to watch.

Switching gears: it has come to my attention that the GSWSP is the second link that comes up when one Googles the phrase "Corey Haim/Corey Feldman fanfiction." If you think I'm kidding, go try it. This is because I once unknowingly used the terms "Corey Haim/Corey Feldman" and "fan fiction" in the same post (strangely, if you type in "Corey Haim/Corey Feldman fan fiction," this blog doesn't come up at all).

I don't know what's more exciting — the fact that people out there are so thirsty for Corey adventures that they'll even turn to fan fiction, or that the GSWSP comes up near the top of the heap in such a search. Usually visitors surf in here searching for "Jabba's slave girl" or "Han Solo's gun." To see such a deviation is both a surprise and a delight.

I'll be sure to inform you if anyone ends up here via a more ridiculous search. Until then, I shall celebrate this strange perversity of the Internet to the fullest extent of the law.

Interestingly enough, Feldman and Haim were once involved in a Star Wars parody on "The Late Show with David Letterman." The joke was they both auditioned for the role of Anakin in Episode I, unaware that they were in direct competition. So perhaps the weirdest aspect of all this is that no one has shown up here searching for "Corey Haim/Corey Feldman Phantom Menace" or "Corey Haim/Corey Feldman Episode I Letterman."

Of course, now that I've typed all that, someone undoubtedly will.


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