Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Blue Milk Incident?



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The Spaghetti Incident? by Guns n' Roses. The story behind this album's title is far more interesting than the material within (mostly covers of obscure 1970s punk and hard rock songs). Apparently, in one of his many lawsuits against the band, former Guns drummer Steven Adler attempted to prove how cruel the rest of GNR was by claiming they had once eaten an entire plate of spaghetti reserved for him without explanation or apology.

Incredulous over these charges, Axl and Co. decided to respond by naming their next record The Spaghetti Incident?, with a big question mark, as if to say, "WTF?!? LOL." Truly, Adler had been PWND, but he would eventually win a million dollar plus settlement from his former employers.

Yes, really. It should be noted, however, that Matt Sorum, Steve Adler's replacement in GNR, later claimed that this was all hooey, and that The Spaghetti Incident? was actually named after a spaghetti-heavy food fight the band once started.

It's true.


- Darth Vader's choking victim dies as the phrase "too late" is heard in "New Rose."

- The phrase "got no place to go" in "Raw Power" is heard as Luke complains about being stuck on Tatooine.


This just in: Chinese Democracy is never coming out. Ever. Axl's dead, he's been dead for close to seven years now. That cornrowed thing you see parading around New York and L.A. these days is a professional lookalike Slash hired for his own amusement. He's rich, he can do that sort of thing. The new GNR? All robots. Come on, do you think Tommy Stinson would honestly agree to play in Guns n' Roses? He keeps quiet because he thinks it's funny. They all do. The "new" GNR songs you've heard floating around the Internet were written and recorded by Third Eye Blind with a rotating cast of metal session musicians.

I'm telling you, it's all a ruse. Chinese Democracy was never real. Total Spinal Tap. It's the greatest prank anyone in rock has ever played. I only know about it because my landlord used to be Slash's guitar tech when he was in the Snakepit. That's when it all began. Why would I make this shit up? I'm telling you. Axl died of food poisoning after trying to prepare his own blowfish. Poke around the Internet a little, you'll find the proof.

It should be obvious unemployment is destroying my mind.


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