Monday, September 11, 2006

C-3PO Pie



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Cherry Pie by Warrant. Although Jani Lane recently expressed a mountain of regret for authoring the immensely popular and totally vapid title track from this album, deep down inside he must know that it saved Warrant from being remembered as just another poor man's Aerosmith. I mean, come on, take "Cherry Pie" and its too-stupid-to-be-real fun away and whaddya got? "Love in Stereo?" "Song and Dance Man?" No stripper's gonna dance to that crap when she can spend her dime on "Ragdoll."

Wake up, Jani. There's no shame in being "the 'Cherry Pie' guy." Would you rather be "the hamster fucking guy" or "the toe where my nose should be guy?" Take some time to yourself and think about it. I'm sure hamster fucker and toe nose would trade places with you in a heartbeat.


- The line "I know a secret that I just can't tell" in "Uncle Tom's Cabin" coincides with R2-D2 rolling past C-3PO after receiving the Death Star plans from Princess Leia.

- Darth Vader crushes his choking victim's neck right as the drums drop out in the middle of "Uncle Tom's Cabin."

- Darth Vader jerks his arm, signaling for Princess Leia to be taken away, just as the heavy guitars kick in in "I Saw Red."

- Darth Vader is onscreen as the line "I don't need to see his face" is heard in "I Saw Red."

- The line "I'm sure I'll be fine" in "I Saw Red" is heard as C-3PO is seen walking away from R2-D2 into the Tatooine desert.

- The camera is on R2-D2, who is watching C-3PO walk away, as the line "never thought it would end like this" is heard in "I Saw Red."

- Jani Lane lets out an emotional "oooh!" during "Love in Stereo" that coincides with C-3PO exclaiming how much he's going to enjoy the oil bath he's being lowered into.

- The line "I'll be okay as soon as I'm on my way" in "Song and Dance Man" is heard as Luke is seen walking outside the Lars homestead after the argument with his uncle.


This experiment tasted so good it made a grown man cry. Interesting side note: Cherry Pie was released on this very day sixteen years ago. I totally did not plan that (despite what you may think).

The OUT DVDs come out tomorrow. Still not buying them. Still resent the fact this "for the fans" release is bundled with the 2004 Frankenversions. Still frustrated they didn't cancel it and take Robert Harris up on his restoration offer. Have heard rumors about the 2007 six film set possibly including restored, anamorphic OUT prints. Will hang on to my VHS tapes and wait to see how that plays out. Will also continue to communicate in sentence fragments when discussing this issue.

Not one of you has guessed correctly yet as to what all the albums this week have in common. Come on, think! It's not that hard. Remember, the winner of this dumb little contest gets an awesome prize that I can guarantee you is not a copy of Burt Ward's autobiography My Life in Tights. Scout's honor!


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