Saturday, July 22, 2006

We Care A Lot (About Hoth)



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Disc the first of the Faith No More retrospective Who Cares A Lot? The Greatest Hits, which I already discovered synchs with Star Wars in thirty distinct ways (link).


- The chorus of "Introduce Yourself" ("introduce yourself, right on!") is heard the first time we see each of the following characters onscreen: Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia.

- The phrase "bleeding, lying on the floor" in "Epic" coincides with Luke felling the Wampa (which bleeds, presumably, and lies on the floor after being attacked).

- The emotional ending of "Epic," which starts on guitar but eventually segues into piano, begins at the same moment the camera closes in on Leia's reaction to the doors closing for the night at Echo Base while Han and Luke are still out in the blizzard.

- "Falling to Pieces" begins right after Han's Tauntaun keels over in the snow.

- The line "left the door open wide" in "Digging the Grave" is heard right after Imperial troops blast a hole in the wall of the Echo Base and invade.


Phew, that's lookin' more barren than Madam Curie! Seriously, there's less synchs here than WMDs in Iraq! Oh, didn't think I get all political on your unsuspecting ass, did you? That's how I roll, son (unpredictably).

So the forthcoming Star Wars DVDs were shown this past week at Comic-Con in San Diego, and is reporting that the original unaltered versions contained on said DVDs look "exactly like those bootlegs out there of the laserdiscs. A little washed out, pixelated and strobey."

Hey, did you see that thing that just whizzed by? That was my very last hope for these DVDs. Kinda foolish, I know, but I was holding on to this crazy hope that Lucasfilm would surprise us with really boffo-looking OUT prints, restored and anamorphic and all that jazz. Silly, huh?

Yeah, I had this crazy dream that it was all a prank. Everything that went down in the past decade, that is: the prequels, the shoddy treatment of the OUT, the shoddy treatment of the fans, Lucasfilm's general out-of-touch, clumsy persona...all an elaborate prank intended to rankle us good. Ashton Kutcher would pop out from behind a plant or a dumpster at Skywalker Ranch and scream, "Oh, damn, Star Wars nerds! You got PUNK'D!!!!" Everyone would breathe a sigh of relief, and we'd get on with our lives.

Nope. That tiny little hope just flew away, bolting out of sight and up into the ozone. Oh well. I'm not too crushed. Any Star Wars fan worth his salt knows that Lucasfilm will bust a certifiably awesome OUT on us when they absolutely, positively have nothing else in their well. It just suck-diddly-ucks that they won't pop it out now, with this set (considering the OUT is THE MAIN SELLING POINT).

Still deciding what to do next week. I'll holla atcha later 'bout that. Jedi and Faith No More? Um, I'll holla atcha later 'bout that, too.


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