Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tatooine Dream



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins. Feedback-drenched guitars create a soundscape perfect for Billy Corgan's nasal falsetto. As usual, I started this sucker right after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The phrase "let me out" in "Cherub Rock" is heard as the droids make their way across the two warring factions aboard the Tantive IV.

- "Cherub Rock" ends the moment Princess Leia inserts the Death Star plans into R2-D2.

- The drumroll/guitar solo in "Quiet" coincides with the droids entering the escape pod and the escape pod taking off. The whine of the guitar right before the solo sounds as the pod shoots into space.

- The lyrics "quiet, I don't trust you" are heard as Darth Vader confronts Princess Leia about her "diplomatic mission."

- Luke gets up and leaves the dinner(?) table as we hear the lyric "leave you like they left me here" in "Disarm."

- Immediately after Luke's scuffle in the cantina, we hear the phrase "Spaceboy, they'll kill me" in "Spaceboy."

- As Han Solo is getting up from the table after killing Greedo, we hear the lyric "I feel no pain" in "Silverfuck."

- A weird spaceship-type noise is heard in "Silverfuck" as the Star Destroyer that is chasing the Millennium Falcon comes into view.


Billy Corgan's worse than Steven Tyler. I had no idea what he was saying half the time, and I've been listening to this album for over a decade. In the middle of "Geek U.S.A.," it sounds like he says, "I connected Siamese twins, at their own risk." That would have been perfect, because at that moment, we saw Obi-Wan and Luke looking at each other right after watching Leia's hologram. Although Luke and Leia aren't Siamese, they are twins, and Obi-Wan did connect them at their own risk.

Sadly, the real lyric is "We are connected, Siamese twins, at the wrist." Or so the Internet tells me. It sure sounds the other way around to me. Leave it to Billy Corgan to add and subtract syllables as he pleases. Of course, the possibility exists that the lyric was transcribed wrong. I guess I'll have to ask my local Smashing Pumpkins historian.

Hey, I forgot about the ending of "Rocket." It actually sounds like a rocket taking off! That's neat! Too bad that didn't coincide with a shot of a spaceship. At that precise moment, the camera was on Luke and the droids, who were just standing around contemplating the ramifications of the Princess Leia hologram. Then Aunt Beru called Luke away, "Rocket" ended, and "Disarm" started as Threepio was scolding Artoo. Weak!

Come on, Lucas, what were you thinking? Didn't you know a psychedelic throwback band was going to record an album in 1993 featuring a fake rocket noise roughly thirty minutes in that I'd try to listen to while watching your movie? Get with the program thirty years ago!

Monday, January 30, 2006

Chewbacca's Blog

Smells Like Droid Spirit



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Nevermind, the Nirvana album that dethroned Michael Jackson from the top of the charts in 1991 and changed the landscape of popular music for the next decade. Almost all twelve tracks were hit singles. Gratuitous baby penis on the front cover. As usual, I started this sucker right after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The first "mellow" part of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" begins when the Star Wars logo pops up.

- Darth Vader makes his first appearance as Kurt Cobain begins to scream, "A denial!" in "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

- During one of the choruses in "In Bloom," as the phrase "don't know what it means" is sung, Vader looks at one Imperial officer as another is talking as if he don't know what the guy talking means.

- As the lyric "I don't mind if I don't have a mind" in "Breed" is heard as we see a shot of the Gonk droid, a robot so useless all it can do is say its own name.

- The camera is on Luke when the lyric "I'm so lonely" in "Lithium" is heard.

- Kurt Cobain sings the lines, "I'm so happy, 'cause today I found my friends" in "Lithium" as R2-D2 hobbles towards C-3PO and Luke after the droid auction.

- Luke, Uncle Owen, and Aunt Beru get together for a meal as Krist Noveselic sings the line, "everybody get together, try to love one another right now" before "Territorial Pissings."

- While Luke stares into the twin sunset after the argument with his uncle, Kurt sings the lines, "Gotta find a way, gotta find a way, a better way" in "Territorial Pissings."

- The line "it is now my duty to completely drain you" in "Drain You" coincides with the Tusken Raider attack on Luke.

- We hear the line "and I've got this friend, you see, who makes me feel" in "Lounge Act" as Obi-Wan is reviving Luke.

- The phrase "what should I do?" in "On A Plain" is heard as the camera is on Luke at the exact moment he considers going with Obi-Wan to Alderaan before blurting out, "Look, it's not that I like the Empire - I hate it! There's just nothing I can do about it right now."

- The Imperial officer aboard the Death Star who gets Force-choked by Vader begins to challenge the masked one's importance as we hear the line "love myself, better than you" in "On A Plain."

- "Something in the Way" begins right when the film cuts to the scene of the Jawa massacre by the Empire.


Not too shabby.

I never realized before how much Kurt Cobain and Luke Skywalker had in common. Both came from broken homes, both possessed strange abilities that baffled and impressed others, and both had to deal with dark forces attempting to corrupt them. Oh yeah, they both also wore some pretty bitchin' outfits.

I wonder if Kurt Cobain liked Star Wars. Was it too mainstream for his tastes? Conversely, I wonder if Mark Hamill likes Nirvana. Actually, I wonder if these two ever crossed paths and discussed the similarities between their lives (well, the similarities between Kurt's real life and Mark's most famous fake life). Now that would have been a conversation to pay attention to.

You know, there are enough Nirvana CDs to do an entire Nirvana theme week. That may very well happen in the near future.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Monsters of Alternative Nineties Rock

The theme for next week's synch experiments is "Monsters of Alternative Nineties Rock." Here's the line-up:

Nirvana - Nevermind
Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
Primus - Pork Soda
Weezer - Weezer
Butthole Surfers - Independent Worm Saloon

I think I'm going to do them all with Star Wars. Lately I've been feeling like I should just focus on that one. So...I'm gonna.

Week after next? I'm not sure yet.

Just Push Jabba

Experiment #20, Aerosmith's Just Push Play and Return of the Jedi, yielded no results. Hence, I am not doing the form for it. In the words of Joseph Simmons, it's like that, and that's the way it is (huh!).

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Droid (Look Like A Lady)



Return of the Jedi (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Big Ones, the 1994 Aerosmith collection that gathered their biggest hits from the drug-free Aero era (or, as some diehards refer to it, the period when Aerosmith really started to blow). I could see my entire ninth grade year flashing before my eyes as I listened to this CD. As usual, I started it after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The line "you know who I am, but you don't know my name" in "Walk on Water" is heard as we see shots of an anonymous Imperial officer commanding his underlings.

- As the Gonk droid is being tortured in Jabba the Hutt's dungeon, the line "treat me like a bad boy" is heard in "Ragdoll."

- Oola falls into the Rancor pit at the same moment we hear the line "you're put out of ya misery" in "Ragdoll."

- The camera zooms in on Lando Calrissian, who is incognito as a guard in Jabba's palace, at the same time we hear the lyric "it was easy to keep all your lies in disguise" in "What It Takes."

- The first line of the chorus of "What It Takes" ("tell me what it takes to let you go") is heard as Princess Leia frees Han Solo from the carbonite.

- As Han is unfreezing, there is a brief shot of his face fading through the carbonite. The materialization of his skin coincides with Steven Tyler screeching, "DIIIIIIIICE!" in "What It Takes."

- When Han is thrown into the dungeon with Chewbacca, we hear the lyric "backstage we were havin' the time" in "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)."

- "Janie's Got A Gun" begins seconds after Luke Skywalker Force-snatches the gun to fire at Jabba.<

- As Luke runs between the Rancor's legs to the gate, Steven Tyler is singing, "Run away, run away" in "Janie's Got A Gun."

- A couple interesting moments during "Cryin'": the lyric "we're partners in crime" is heard as Luke looks at R2-D2 right before he's thrown into the Sarlaac Pit. Moments later, as Luke signals to Artoo to fire his lightsaber into the air, we hear the line "what you give to me takes my breath away."

- Various characters get shot or lightsabered as Steven Tyler sings the phrase "I'm dyin' to let you" in the choruses to "Cryin.'" On the particularly long "dyin'" he sings when the music stops near the end, Leia wraps her chain around Jabba to strangle him.

- As our heroes are flying away from Tatooine, the line "it's amazing when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright" in "Amazing" is heard.

- "Crazy" is playing during the sequence where the Rebels are trying to scam their way onto the moon of Endor with the stolen Imperial shuttle.

- Steven Tyler screeches an "Ow!" at the same moment Han is struck by the Biker Scout on the moon of Endor.

- The jungle sounds at the beginning of "Eat the Rich" coincide with the start of the speeder bike chase.

- "Angel" plays throughout the entire sequence where Wicket the Ewok happens upon Leia and saves her from the Biker Scout.

- Right before Artoo cuts the Rebels out of the Ewok net and they fall to the ground, the line "you can help yourself from falling" is heard in "Living on the Edge."


You have not lived until you've seen C-3PO hobble around to the brassy bombast of "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)." I almost popped a boner.

This was one of the more successful synchs I've tried as of late, but the fact that Big Ones is a greatest hits CD makes it ring hollow. There's no real artistic flow to a greatest hits CD, no purity. It's just a bunch of songs you've heard on the radio a million times cobbled together in some random order. That magical "album" aura isn't there.

Still, it was lots of fun watching Muppets prance around to the mid-period Joe Perry licks that were the soundtrack to my early teenage years. Rock on, drug-free Aerosmith and Return of the Jedi!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Empire Strikes Gems



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Gems, a "best-of" Aerosmith collection from 1988 that consists of deep album cuts from the group's first five or six years. Has that wacky cover of "Train Kept A Rollin'" they were known for at one point. As usual, I started this sucker after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The creepy-sounding breakdown in "Rats in the Cellar" begins as the Probot rises from its crater and comes to life.

- "Critical Mass" starts as Han, Leia, Chewie, and Threepio are boarding the Millennium Falcon.

- Steven Tyler exclaims, "What do we got here?" in "Lord of the Thighs" as Luke approaches Dagobah.

- As we see the hump of the sea monster that eats Artoo, Steven Tyler screams.


Another one where I had many more synchs until I double-checked Mushmouth's lyrics. DMC was right; this stuff is hillbilly gibberish. Then again, it could have just been the drugs. We'll see tomorrow with Big Ones, which kicks off the substance-free portion of Aerosmith week.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Droids in the Attic



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Toys in the Attic, Aerosmith's third album. Spawned the mega-classics "Walk This Way" and "Sweet Emotion." The title is supposedly slag for insanity and/or drug abuse. As usual, I started Toys after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- "Sweet Emotion" begins the moment Leia kisses Luke.

- The Probot explosion sequence coincides with the first heavy part of "Sweet Emotion."

- "You See Me Crying" begins to play as it's clear that the Rebels are losing the Battle of Hoth.


This made Al Capone's vault look like "The Arsenio Hall Show."

Is it messed up that I capitalized "Battle of Hoth," like it's some kind of real-life historical event? I think it's easier to do that than to refer to it as "that fight on the ice planet between the good guys and the bad guys." Hey, maybe I'm wrong here, but "Battle of Hoth" just rolls off the tongue.

People bust my chops about this from time to time. The other night, I was playing Battlefront at Drew Mack's house, and I kept commenting on all the weird locales you can play through, and Drew was like, "Man, you talk about all this Star Wars junk like it actually happened!"

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Drew Mack, and I'm sorry, America. I guess I forgot to tell you, but I'm kind of really into this Star Wars business. It's kind of my thing. I dig Luke Skywalker, I dig R5-D4, I dig Moff Jerjerrod, I dig the Battle of Hoth, and I really dig watching the original trilogy and popular albums to see if they synch up. That's who I am, and I make no apologies.

My name is Jim, and I have a problem.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Aerostar Wars



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Aerosmith's very first record from 1973, creatively titled Aerosmith. Includes the classic rock radio staple "Dream On." Back cover features a shirtless pic of hulking bassist Tom Hamilton. Beefcake. As usual, I started the album after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- A few seconds after the Star Wars logo pops up, the phrase "Good evening, people, and welcome to the show" is heard in "Make It."

- As C-3PO and R2-D2 make their way across the hallway between the two warring factions on the Tantive IV, the lyrics "someone to share the load/someone to walk the road" in "Somebody" are heard.

- We hear the lyric "somebody save me" in "Somebody" the moment we see Princess Leia's face for the first time.

- Steven Tyler screams, "No, no, no!" in "One Way Street" as R5-D4 explodes in front of Luke.

- As Luke gets up from the table and says, "It looks like I'm going nowhere," the phrase "I'll never, never, never, never, never get so far away" in "Write Me" is heard.

- When Artoo's alarm goes off, alerting Luke and Threepio to the Tusken Raiders, the phrase "we gotta move it out 'cause the city's movin' in" is heard in "Movin' Out."

- When Luke begins to tell Ben Kenobi about Artoo, the lyric "level with God and you're in tune with the universe" is heard in "Movin' Out."

- Obi-Wan is telling Luke about the Force as Steven Tyler sings, "If you don't know how to do it, I'll show ya how to walk the dog," in "Walkin' the Dog."


The list of synchs was originally twice as long before I consulted the lyric sheet and discovered Steven Tyler was not saying half the things I thought he was saying. You'd think with that colossal mouth of his, he'd be able to enunciate better. At least he was in key most of the time.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Ewok This Way

Aerosmith Synch Week begins tomorrow. The following albums have been selected for the next five days:

Toys in the Attic
Big Ones
Just Push Play

A good cross-section of the 'Smith. I'm gonna do the first one with Star Wars, Toys in the Attic and Gems with The Empire Strikes Back, and Big Ones and Just Push Play with Return of the Jedi. Yessir. I'm in for a week of watching Chewbacca and friends strut their stuff to the sleazy sounds of Beantown's favorite sons. The anticipation is killing me.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


So you know how I was up for that job in Nevada? You don't? Well, sometime after Christmas, I applied for a job with a small newspaper in upstate Nevada, and about two weeks ago they called and interviewed me. For a little while there, it looked like your old pal Jim Greene was going to have to ride his wagons west. Yup, it would have been a fresh start in Ely, NV, population 4,000. Sounded like my kind of place. Small, relaxed, lots of nature and shit. I was down.

Unfortunately, my prospective employer called last night to inform me the job had been offered to someone else. Rats. My only hope now is if this other person fails their drug test, but what's the likelyhood of them being a hopeless cokehead? The odds on that have to be like a zillion to one. Oh well. There's always the SAT evaluating job I'm supposed to start in March. Yippee!

In synch news, my boy Shane made a good suggestion the other day - theme weeks. Why the f not, right? This coming week's theme will be Aerosmith. I'll post the specific albums I plan to use tomorrow. Week after that will probably be Monsters of Alternative Nineties Rock. Stay tuned. This shit's about to heat up.

Guess what? I'm the drummer in Racin for Pinks again. Matt's still on guitar and vox. Joe is still on bass. Some guy named Chopper might be joining on lead guitar. We might actually do something again before the end of the Bush administration.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Licensed to Ill (On Tatooine)



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Licensed to Ill, the 1986 debut from the Beastie Boys. First rap album to reach number one on the Billboard charts. Only rap album I've ever heard that name-checks Secaucus. As usual, I started the album after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The phrase "suckas run" in "The New Style" is heard seconds before we see the droids scurrying across the hallway of the Tantive IV where the main battle is occurring.

- The line "and in case you're unaware, I carry a gun" in "The New Style" is heard as we see a shot of a stormtrooper carrying a gun.

- As the stormtroopers are searching the desert of Tatooine for the droids, we hear the line "they got a committee to get me off the block" in "Slow Ride."

- The infamous "Kick it!" before "Fight For Your Right (To Party)" is heard as C-3PO is introducing himself to Luke.

- When one of the Beasties says, "best porno mag" in "Fight For Your Right (To Party)," Luke points to Leia's hologram, perhaps indicating that that is his best porno mag (I imagine porn is pretty scarce on Tatooine).

- We see a shot of a Tusken Raider mounting a Bantha as the line "I had a little horsey named Paul Revere" in "Paul Revere" is heard.

- During the part of "Paul Revere" where the beat drops out and all we hear is the backwards noise, Luke and Threepio look around, almost like they want to know where the beat went.


Every time R2-D2 wobbled instead of rolling somewhere, it looked like he was moving to the beat. That was pretty cute. Yeah, I think things are cute sometimes. Big deal. You wanna fight about it?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Countdown to Mos Eisley

I think I'll introduce the form layout in this post.



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Countdown to Extinction by Megadeth, the 1992 record that eschewed traditional speed metal tactics for lyrics about skydiving and the ocassional acoustic guitar. Also noted for popularizing the phrase "man-pussy" (amongst me, mostly). As usual, I started the album after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare.


- The line "that which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger" in "Skin O' My Teeth" is heard as the Star Destroyer shoots the Tantive IV, rocking the droids inside.

- "Symphony of Destruction" begins as the Tantive IV is being captured by the Star Destroyer. As the orchestra tune-up plays, the rebel troops look above them as if it's playing over some hidden sound system. Then, when the song actually starts, the camera is on a rebel soldier who fixes his eyes from the ceiling to the door in front of him.

- The lines "acting like a robot/his metal brain corrodes" in "Symphony" are heard as Darth Vader makes his entrance.

- The blistering solo in "Symphony" ends at the same moment the rebel that Vader was choking hits the ground.

- Vader comes to a stop at the end of a corridor aboard the Tantive IV at the same moment Dave Mustaine says, "Huh!" in "Architecture of Aggression."

- As Luke is trying to figure out what's up with the hologram of Princess Leia, the line "this was the road to destiny" in "This Was My Life" is heard.

- The phrase "catatonic state" in "High Speed Dirt" is heard as we see Luke lying on the ground after the Tusken Raider attack, who is either dead or catatonic until Obi-Wan revives him.

- As the camera fixes on the charred corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, the line "it can't be worse than this" is heard in "Captive Honour."


I don't think I'll be alerting CNN about this one.

You know, I've never been too clear on that scene following the Tusken Raider attack. Does Obi-Wan rouse Luke from a blackout, or does he bring him back from the dead? In the Star Wars NES game, whenever a character ran out of lives, you could click on Obi-Wan and the "deceased" character would return. That seems to suggest Jedis possess a God-like power.

However, you'd think that if re-animation was a Jedi skill, Kenobi would bring himself back to life after Vader cut him down. Instead, he just turns up later on as a blue ghost. WTF? LOL, Kenobi.

I'm sure there's some lengthy explanation in the Star Wars Databank or in some EU book. In a way, I kind of prefer not knowing. Leaves it open to interpretation.

I went to library yesterday to look for some of those "essential" albums I never got around to buying, and would you believe they had no Michael Jackson? No Zeppelin, either! Why, there was nary a Springsteen album to be seen! Plenty of Bon Jovi and James Taylor, though. I guess I know what to get the Deltona Public Library for Christmas next year. CDs!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Jawa Sells...But Who's Buying?

Q: What does Jim Greene do when he can't find a copy of South of Heaven by Slayer?

A: He watches Star Wars with a Megadeth album instead!

Peace Sells...But Who's Buying?, to be exact. I was pleasantly surprised. Fifteen synchs, some of which are pretty creepy. Of course, most the lyrics on this record revolve around Devil worship and suicide, so I could probably watch it with "Sesame Street" and be significantly creeped out. Anyway, here's what I saw (ja, stellte ich die CD nach dem zweiten zwanzigsten Jahrhundert-Fuchs drumroll an):

- Dave Mustaine says, "Dead!" for the first time in "Wake Up Dead" at the same moment the Star Wars logo comes up.

- The last chant of "Dead!" in "Wake Up Dead" is heard the at same moment the Tantive IV door begins to explode.

- The laser blasts during the scene where Princess Leia is captured synch up with various drum breaks in "The Conjuring."

- As Leia is being lead to Darth Vader, the line "I met your father years ago" is heard in "The Conjuring."

- As we see a close-up of Vader during his first confrontation with Leia, the lines "I'm claiming what is mine by right/it's time to close the deal" in "The Conjuring" are heard.

- Dave Mustaine sings, "If there's a new way," in "Peace Sells" the moment R2-D2 rolls in a different direction from C-3PO on Tatooine.

- Right before Threepio kicks Artoo, Mustaine says, "Whaddya mean I ain't kind?" in "Peace Sells."

- "Devils Island" starts around the same time the Jawas capture Artoo. It continues all through the droid's imprisonment aboard the sandcrawler, ending right at the moment Uncle Owen purchases Threepio and R5-D4.

- As the camera cuts to Artoo wobbling towards Luke after R5-D4 breaks down, Dave Mustaine is heard saying, "Good morning" in "Good Mourning/Black Friday" (it's almost as if Artoo is saying this to Luke).

- The heavy part of "Bad Omen" begins as soon as Luke activates Threepio and discovers Artoo is missing.

- As the Tusken Raider attacks Luke and Threepio, the lines "no one can save them" in "Bad Omen" are repeated.

- The line "I ain't afraid of no demons" in "I Ain't Superstitious" is heard as Obi-Wan makes the Krayt dragon noise to scare the Tusken Raiders away and comes lumbering over the hill.

- The heavy part of "I Ain't Superstitious" begins at the same time we see Ben Kenobi's reaction to Luke's mention of Obi-Wan.

- As Obi-Wan pulls out Luke's father's lightsaber, the line "highly polished metal" in "My Last Words" is heard.

- Dave Mustaine sings, "you, next to die" in "My Last Words" for the first time as the camera is close-up on Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is the next major character in the film to die (unless you consider Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru major characters, which you shouldn't).

If I didn't need money to live, I'd sit around and watch the opening scenes of Star Wars to different speed metal albums all day. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Darth Vader + monster riffage = awesome.

Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Droids

I just finished up Star Wars with the first Replacements album, Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash. Even though there wasn't much, I did see perhaps the freakiest thing I've seen since I started doing this synch stuff. It happened during "Hanging Downtown." If you've heard that song, you know there's one part where Paul Westerberg repeats the phrase "bus stop" a number of times. It almost sounds like the CD is skipping, but it's not. He goes, "bus stop! bus stop! bus stop! bus stop! Anyways, we got nowhere else ta go!"

Well, every single time Paul said, "bus stop," Darth Vader turned his head. Right after Vader throws that rebel he was choking to the ground, you hear the first "bus stop," and he looks to his left. The next "bus stop," he looks to his right. It goes on like this for all of the "bus stops" until Paul says, "Anyways, we got nowhere else ta go!" When he says this, Vader motions his stormtroopers to move and he walks out of frame. I seriously thought I was tripping when I saw all this. Who knows, maybe I was, but I don't remember ingesting any hallucinogens for breakfast this morning.

That freakiness aside, the rest of the synch was rather uneventful. Here are the few other moments of interest I noted (yes, I started the CD after the second 20th Century drumroll):

- The music to "Customer" begins at the exact same moment the door the stormtroopers come through on the Tantive IV catches fire/starts blowing up.

- The words "kick, kick" are heard right before Threepio kicks Artoo in the desert.

- In another head-turning incident, Luke turns his head to the direction Aunt Beru is calling from on the first drum hit in "I Hate Music."

- The weird tape effect that ends "I Hate Music" coincides with the Jawa zappping Artoo so he stays near the sandcrawler.

- The line "really lost my good thing now" is heard right before Luke discovers Artoo is missing.

I think I need to go take a cold shower. All I can see is Darth Vader turning his head. It's messing with my mind.

I'm taking a suggestion from Ross next - Slayer's South of Heaven. Not sure with what movie, though. Probably Star Wars, because I'm too lazy to eject the tape.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

To The Jedi Boroughs

I attempted Return of the Jedi with To The Five Boroughs by the Beastie Boys tonight. Aside from some mild nausea, I got nothing. Pardon me if I've used that phrasing before; I'm on my way out the door and can't afford the time to be creative. Next on my synch agenda: some Replacements.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Midnite Vultures of the Jedi

I caught some of James Frey's interview on "Larry King" last night. Mo'fugger must have said "I mean" twenty-thousand times. Didn't convince me. I say he's lying harder than Pete Rose. I guess it doesn't matter, though, since Oprah called up and had his back. If you've got Oprah on your side, you've got it made. She's more powerful than Zangeif and Goro put together.

Anyway, today I threw down on Beck's Midnite Vultures and Return of the Jedi. It made sense to me; if Mellow Gold is Beck's Star Wars, than Vultures is his Jedi - which, I suppose, would make Odelay his Empire Strikes Back. Hey, I should probably try Mellow Gold with Star Wars and Odelay with Empire! There's an idea!

But I digress. This was another so-so synch. Started the CD after the second 20th Century Fox drumroll. The results:

- The Star Wars logo pops on the screen at the same time Beck sings, "When the pixelated doctors moan" in "Sexx Laws." Not related, but funny.

- The weird, spacey noises near the end of "Sexx Laws" play as Darth Vader's shuttle flies towards the screen.

- "Nicotine & Gravy" begins the second the ramp to Vader's shuttle lowers.

- Beck sings the line, "I think we're going crazy" in "Nicotine & Gravy" as the Imperial officer complains, "The Emperor - he asks the impossible! I need more men!"

- The hologram of Luke Skywalker in Jabba's Palace fades in the same time we hear the weird transistor noise in the beginning of "Mixed Business."

- "Get Real Paid" is playing as Princess Leia is bartering with Jabba for Chewbacca.

- The line "we go solo" in "Peaches & Cream" is heard as Han Solo (encased in carbonite) drops to the floor of Jabba's Palace (lame, I know).

- A voice starts to repeat the phrase, "Do you wanna feel this?" in "Hollywood Freaks" when Jabba commands his henchmen to bring Princess Leia to him.

- The laughter at the end of "Peaches & Cream" coincides with Han's reaction to the news that Luke is now a Jedi.

- Beck sings the line, "Soon you'll be a figment of some infamous life" in "Broken Train" as the camera cuts to the Rancor just seconds before Luke brings the gate crashing down upon the beast.

- We see a shot of a very shiny C-3PO as Beck sings, "shining like crystal tiaras" in "Broken Train."

- Beck sings, "Got a little sympathy for ya" in "Debra" as Han says to Lando, "Good luck - you're gonna need it."

I noticed that the lyrics for "Debra" aren't printed in the booklet for Midnite Vultures. Is this because Beck fans are supposed to know the lyrics, since he wrote that song a long-ass time before recording it and performed it a whole bunch? That's a little...you know. You know.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


I forgot to mention that I started Who's Next in the last experiment after the second drumroll in the 20th Century Fox fanfare. I pretty much always do it that way. I think the only exception was the Return of Paul's Boutique experiment, where I started the CD after the first drumroll. If I forget again in the future, just assume I started the CD after the second drumroll. I promise it won't make an ass out of you or me.

The Empire Strikes Who's Next

This latest experiment, The Empire Strikes Back with Who's Next by the Who, was yet another synch that was neither a complete failure nor a stunning breakthrough. Again, the numbers were low, but some of what I saw was almost unbelievable. I submit to you:

- After the Probot lands on Hoth, Roger Daltrey sings the line, "The exodus is here," in "Baba O'Riley."

- The line "to catch you, I'll run and never stop" in "Bargain" plays as Leia is chasing Han through the Rebel base.

- Around the same time Han decides to mount his Tauntaun and search for Luke, Daltrey sings, "I'll gladly give up all I got," in "Bargain."

- When Daltrey sings the line, "Laying on my back," in "Love Ain't For Keeping," Luke is seen laying on his back in the snow.

- When Han Solo finally responds to the search party's radio signals, the lyric "she's coming!" in "Love Ain't For Keeping" is heard.

- Right after Leia calls Han a scruffy-looking nerf herder and he takes offense, the lyric "our love is over" is heard in "The Song is Over."

- The explosion of the Probot coincides with the first brief drum solo-thingy in "The Song is Over."

- The first cable wrap from the snowspeeder around one of the AT-ATs coincides with the first slower part in "Going Mobile."

- "Going Mobile" ends at the same moment the AT-AT stomps on Luke's snowspeeder.

- The lines "I'll move myself and my family aside/if we happen to be left half alive" in "Won't Get Fooled Again" are heard the moment Han decides to fly into the asteroid field (featuring a brief shot of the Millennium Falcon moving sideways).

Ooooo-WEEEE-oooooh! Come on, that last one was spooky! Later tonight, I'm probably going to try Midnite Vultures (which I've been spelling wrong) with Return of the Jedi. That ought to be something (at least that's what I'm telling myself so I stay enthusiastic).

Monday, January 09, 2006

Appetite for Star Wars II

Dinner's still at least an hour away. Since last posting, I watched the remainder of Star Wars with a second playthrough of Appetite for Destruction. I started it immediately after Han says, "This is where the fun begins." You be the judge as to whether or not that was a prophetic statement on the smuggler's part:

- The Millennium Falcon goes into hyperspace during that short bridge in "Welcome to the Jungle" before the regular beat starts. You know, the part that goes, "DUN, DUN, DUNNN...dundundundundundundundun- weedly-whee wah-nee!" The Star Wars logo came up at this same spot when I watched the the first part of the movie last night, but I couldn't think of a proper way to describe it. I don't know if this description is proper, but it's better than nothing, right?

- Alderaan blows up the moment "Jungle" kicks back into the regular beat after the "down, so down" break.

- The line "it all feels (fits?) so right" is heard for the first time in "It's So Easy" as Luke blocks the three practice laser blasts with his lightsaber aboard the Millennium Falcon.

- As Obi-Wan is seen running away from the little room Luke, Han, Chewie, and the droids initially hide in aboard the Death Star, Axl screeches, "They won't catch me!" for the first time in "Out Ta Get Me."

- The last chorus of "You're Crazy" ("'cause you're crazy, you're fuckin' crazy") plays as the rebel pilots are being briefed about the miniscule exhaust port on the bottom of the Death Star trench. Many of those pilots were probably thinking those same words at the time. I mean, come on, hitting a hole that's only two meters wide with a proton torpedo? You're fuckin' crazy, Princess Leia!

- The line "up against the wall" is heard at the same time Luke says to Han, "You see what they're up against."

- Porkins crashes his X-Wing and dies right when the loudest female moan in "Rocket Queen" sounds.

- Darth Vader shoots down his first rebel pilot the moment "Rocket Queen" ends.

On the whole, I'd say the results of this experiment are comprable to Odelay of the Jedi, although I am slightly less excited about a connection between GNR and Star Wars than one between the films and Beck. Bet I'd be singing a different tune had this yielded Dark Side of the Rainbow numbers.

Appetite for Star Wars

Well, I tried watching the second half of Star Wars the other day with another playthrough of La Sexorcisto, and it was a total wash. Nothing happened. You'd think that would be frustrating, but it wasn't, really. I mean, it wasn't nearly as frustrating as watching Star Wars with Appetite for Destruction by Guns n' Roses, which I did last night. Some cool stuff happened, but there were a couple would-be synchs that were just a few seconds off. That kind of thing really gets me.

For instance, had I started the album five or six seconds later than I did, the line "I see your sister in a Sunday dress" from "It's So Easy" would have synched up with Princess Leia's first appearance onscreen (the part where she's putting the Death Star plans into R2-D2). Also, the "see me hit you, you fall down" line would have matched up with Vader crushing that one guy's neck and tossing him aside. Talk about a near miss.

Of course, had I not started Appetite when I did (after the second drumroll, as usual), I wouldn't have witnessed these very interesting and occasionally hilarious moments:

- The Star Destroyer's shadow covers the Tantive IV at the same moment the breakdown in "Welcome to the Jungle" begins.

- Flames on the door the stormtroopers burst through start the moment Axl screeches, "You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby!"

- When Axl says, "It's gonna bring you down, huh!" at the end of "Welcome to the Jungle," a stormtrooper gets blasted and falls down.

- Darth Vader appears as the first chorus in "It's So Easy" starts.

- Princess Leia turns to run from the stormtroopers as Axl says, "Turn around, bitch, I got a use for you" in "It's So Easy."

- The escape pod containing the droids shoots across the screen as Axl sings, "So come with me, don't ask me where 'cause I don't know" in "It's So Easy."

- Vader is walking down the corridor of the Tantive IV at one point; he stops the moment Axl yells, "Look out!" in "Night Train."

- The Jawas emerge from behind the rocks to carry Artoo away at around the same time "Out Ta Get Me" begins.

- As Luke is talking about joining the academy with his Uncle, Axl is screaming, "So far away" in "Paradise City." A moment later, a lyric is heard about a broken heart as Uncle Owen reacts to Luke's desire to leave Tatooine.

- Luke is staring at the twin sunset, longing to leave his Uncle's farm, while Axl is screeching, "I wanna go!" in "Paradise City."

- The lyric "I'm so glad that you showed me" is sung at the same time Luke turns on his father's lightsaber (I think that line's in "Sweet Child O' Mine").

- A "whoa" is heard as Obi-Wan moves his hand during the Jedi mind trick on the Mos Eisley stormtrooper.

- The lyric "I see you standing" in "Rocket Queen" is heard while Garindan is spying on Luke, Obi-Wan, and the droids as they walk to Docking Bay 94.

Lucky thirteen. A few of these are pretty creepy, I think. A couple are just super goofy. Thanks, Axl. I might do another playthrough. Actually, I think I forsee a Use Your Illusion experiment in my immediate future. Gotta kill those hours before dinner somehow.

I need to get to the library to see if they have some of the quote-unquote essential albums I never got around to buying (The White Album, Thriller, anything by Zeppelin). Still need to try Midnight Vultures with the rest of Jedi. Man, too bad no one's paying me for this shit.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I Got Two Lightsabers and a Microphone

I was unable to acquire a copy of Midnight Vultures last night, so I tried finishing up Jedi today with a second playthrough of Odelay. Lightening did not strike twice, if you consider yesterday's experiment lightening (which I, to some extent, do). I'm not even going to bother posting the results. There were about three interesting things, and when I use the word "interesting," I'm being very, very kind. This one almost made me claw my eyeballs out.

Right now, I really want to play La Sexorcisto with Star Wars again, only from the point it ended on the first playthrough (which was around the scene onboard the Millennium Falcon where Threepio and Chewie are playing chess). However, I think I might try Empire with Appetite for Destruction by Guns n' Roses first, just because I'm in the mood to watch Darth Vader strut around while Axl Rose screeches.

And to the person who suggested using the Eisner demo in one of these experiments: I don't think Eisner is the kind of thing that really lends itself to synchs. I like to stick with albums that go past the thirty minute mark. That's not a slam on Eisner. I dig Eisner. They just ain't synch material.

Now, President Pizza, on the other hand...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Odelay of the Jedi

Last night my friend Shane suggested I try using Beck's Odelay with Return of the Jedi. His instincts serve him well; this was the most successful synch I've had since La Star Wars Cisto. As usual, I started the album right after the second 20th Century Fox drumroll. The following shit blew my mind:

- The scream that precedes "Lord Only Knows" sounds as Bib Fortuna first appears onscreen.

- Beck sings the line, "You'll do whatever you please, and I'll do whatever I can" as Luke's hologram materializes before Jabba the Hutt to offer a deal for Han Solo's life.

- The beat drop on the last chorus of "New Pollution" coincides with Oola's fall into the Rancor pit.

- Beck sings, "I dropped my anchor in the dead of night" as Leia is about to drop Han Solo from Jabba's wall and free him from the carbonite...in the dead of night.

- The first real heavy part of "Novocane" starts roughly the same time Jabba's laugh is heard after Leia rescues Han.

- As the door to Jabba's palace opens to let Luke in, the real heavy part of "Novocane" near the end of the song kicks in. The song gets quiet again as the film cuts to Jabba sleeping. Then, as Luke enters the throne room and Jedi mind tricks Bib Fortuna, the feedback that end the song starts, only fading away after Luke attempts to Jedi mind trick Jabba and fails.

- The soundclip of the guy saying, "What about those who swing both ways, AC/DC?" in "Where It's At" plays during an extended head shot of C-3PO.

- Beck sings the lines, "the last survivor of a boiled crap, another casualty with the casual frown" in "Derelict" as Leia strangles Jabba to death.

- Beck sings, "I don't need no wheels, I don't need to gasoline" in "Sissyneck" at the same time we see the Millennium Falcon and Luke's X-Wing flying away from Tatooine.

- Beck sings, "If I said to you that I was lookin' for a place to get to" in "Sissyneck" as R2-D2 inquires Luke about their destination.

- Yoda dies at the exact moment the classical music break comes in "High 5 (Rock the Catskills)." His body fades away as Beck sings, "High 5, more dead than alive."

- The line "stuck together, one and all" in "Ramshackle" repeats numerous times as the Rebels go over the Death Star plans before the Endor battle.

I want to finish Jedi tonight with Midnight Vultures, but I currently don't have a copy. I know a few people who do - maybe I can borrow one before midnight. I might just play Odelay over again from where I am in Jedi. I didn't realize that was something the Dark Side of the Rainbow people did with The Wizard of Oz. They start Dark Side of the Moon again after it ends the first time, and there are even more synchs. Then they do it a third time, and there are even more synchs!

I also didn't know they got 62 synchs on the first playthrough, either. That kind of puts my twenty-something on La Star Wars Cisto to shame. Maybe there's another album out there that will yield more synchs with Star Wars than La Sexorcisto. Maybe I should try La Sexorcisto again, repeating it like I was talking about in the above paragraph. I bet I get over 60 that way. Ah, but I'd rather get 60+ on the first playthrough now that I know the full details of Dark Side of the Rainbow.

God, I think I'm becoming obsessed.

Anyway, mad props to Shane Bales for his suggestion. If anyone else has something they think I should try or would like me to try, let me know. I'm open, people. Either comment here or e-mail me.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Return of a Black Planet

Okay, two things before I lay this Public Enemy jive on you:

1. The Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich at Jack in the Box is Pulp Fiction to the McGriddle's Jackie Brown. If you've had the UBS, you know what the fudge I'm talking about.

2. It's my birthday today. I'm so old I owe Jesus a dollar, I did keg stands with Moses, and I rode a dinosaur to school every day in 1902.

Alright then. On Friday, I watched Return of the Jedi with Public Enemy's classic 1989 album Fear of a Black Planet. Like every synch-up I've tried since La Star Wars Cisto, this one fell way short of the mind-blowing mark. Here's what went down (yes, I started Fear after the second 20th Century roll):

- As the scroll is going in the beginning, a voice in "Contract on the World Love Jam" is heard saying, "the future of the world is in doubt."

- "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" begins as the scrolling text fades away.

- Chuck D says, "Here we go again!" roughly the same time the Star Destroyer comes into view.

- The first evil laugh in "911 is a Joke" coincides with Jabba the Hutt's first appearance.

- A lot of stuff happened during "Welcome to the Terrordome." The song begins as C-3PO is taken away in the dungeon; The first chorus (which is just Chuck D yelling, "Welcome to the Terrordome!") coincides with a shot of Jabba eating a frog; the soundclip of the guy saying, "Would you please join me in welcoming..." sounds as Princess Leia enters Jabba's palace with Chewbacca; the second chorus coincides with the close-up of the thermal detonator Leia is holding; the third chorus coincides with the exterior shot of Jabba's palace.

- A weird clunking noise in "Pollywanacraka" sounds as carbonite-frozen Han Solo hits the ground after Leia releases him.

- "Can't Do Nuttin For Ya" is playing as Obi-Wan's ghost appears to Luke on Dagobah.

- The lights underneath the stolen Imperial shuttle blink in time with Flavor Flav's shouts on "War at 33 1/2" (at least I think it was that song - could be another one).

Yippee. That whole "Terrordome" sequence played out like some cheesy 1980s music video. Still, it was way better than "Jedi Rocks."

Tonight I'll get back on here and talk about my excursion to the Carolinas. Right now, I feel like Dom DeLuise's underpants after two days in Phoenix. I'm going to go lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling.