Friday, June 30, 2006

Am I Vader



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The hard-rockin' 1988 self-titled debut from Danzig, the band Glenny D formed after Samhain. Well, he didn't really form a new band so much as add two new guys to the old band and rename it. In essence, Danzig is just a continuation of Samhain. Danzig the band, that is, not Danzig the person. Danzig the person is, in essence, just a continuation of Glenn Anzalone, some goombah from New Jersey.


- The line "whoa, God above" in "Twist of Cain" is heard as the star destroyer is seen maneuvering above the Tantive IV.

- The line "not of this world, and nothing bites like I do" in "Not of This World" coincides with Darth Vader's first appearance.

- C-3PO is arguing about getting into the escape pod with R2-D2 as the line "choose where you stand" is heard in "Not of This World."

- The word "sand" is heard in "She Rides" as the camera pans across the sand dunes of Tatooine.

- The line "she'll take you" in "She Rides" is heard as C-3PO spots the sandcrawler, which takes him out of the harsh Tatooine desert.

- The second-to-last chord of "Am I Demon" coincides with Luke popping the restraining bolt off of R2-D2.

- As Luke is talking about the possibility of the droids being stolen and the mysterious "Obi-Wan" Kenobi, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru exchange knowing glances; during this scene, the line "can you keep 'em in the dark for long?" is heard in "Mother."

- As Owen protests Luke's desire to enter the Academy before the next harvest, the line "do you wanna bang heads with me?" is heard in "Mother."

- The Tusken Raider that attacks Luke pops up during the quick drum roll that brings "Possession" to a brief pause; the Tusken Raider jabs Luke with his gaffi stick at the same moment the song starts again.

- Luke wakes up after the Tusken Raider attack as "Possession" is fades out.

- "Evil Thing" starts the moment Admiral Motti says, "This station is now the ultimate power in the universe...I suggest we use it."


Short but sweet. I knew that "do you wanna bang heads with me?" line in "Mother" was going to happen sometime during the Owen/Luke argument. How, you ask? Come on, bro. I've watched this movie five days a week for the past six months. I've got a pretty good idea of its pacing by now. If I'm using an album I'm familiar with, I can usually ballpark one or two synchs with a fair amount of accuracy.

Shane suggested I use that angle on here more often, posting my predictions beforehand and seeing how close I come. His track record speaks for itself (theme week, soundtracks), so maybe I will start doing that. Bales, you're getting a big thank you in the book.

Hey, I don't know if you folks noticed, but I added a new section to each experiment. "Related," featuring links to related experiments, will now always be right below the "Notes" section. I started this because I noticed a lot of people are surfing in to random experiments via Google. This new "Related" deal makes it a tad bit easier for those people to find the rest of the experiments I did the week of the one they happen upon. I will be going back this weekend and adding it to all the old experiments, so hooray for me.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Dewbacks '88



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


November-Coming-Fire by Samhain, the landmark release that dared to fuse goth punk with goth metal. Oh, that Danzig. A musical soothsayer if ever there was one. He even predicted the fusion of rap and rock years before it happened. Check out this quatrain he wrote during his two years in Paris: "And lo, the crossfader shall meet with the Gibson on the battlefield; the results shall render man and woman speechless."


- A cymbal crash in "In My Grip" coincides with the door on the Tantive IV exploding into flames.

- The line "mother of mercy" in "Mother of Mercy" coincides with the first shot of Princess Leia.

- The line "let the worlds collide" in "Let the Day Begin" is heard as the Jawa pops out and shoots R2-D2.

- A cymbal crash in "Let the Day Begin" coincides with the spark that is seen as the Jawa affixes the restraining bolt to R2-D2.


November-Coming-Fire? More like Album-Synching-Not! Am I right? AM I RIGHT? But seriously, what is up with Danzig's hair in the picture on the back cover? It's like, I've heard of trying to cover up acne before, but that's just ridiculous! Hey Danzig, it's called Clearasil — LOOK INTO IT! Here's an idea — stop lifting weights for two seconds and WASH YOUR FACE!

I hope you guys come visit me in the hospital after Danzig reads this, comes to my house, shoves me, and then breaks my leg when he falls on it after some unknown fat guy magically appears and knocks him out.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist making another Tuba City reference. While we're on the subject, what kind of name is Tuba City for a rock club anyway? I came here to see rock music, not a bunch of tubas! Am I right? AM I RIGHT?????

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Big News

Are you ready for this? Last week, I was interviewed about the GSWSP for an upcoming issue of Star Wars Insider, the official Star Wars periodical published by Lucasfilm. I don't know what's more surprising — the fact that anyone at Lucasfilm is aware of this blog, or the fact that they want to give me exposure in official literature after all the times I criticized the company and its namesake here.

Aside from being slightly perplexed about that, I'm totally stoked/honored/freaked. The interviewer showed me the finshed piece, which will appear in the next issue, #89. If you don't subscribe or your local newsstand doesn't carry Star Wars Insider, don't worry — it'll be online, too, at I'll be sure to let you all know when both print and digital forms are available.

Let the media oversaturation begin. Rock n' roll.

All Jedis All Droids All Fun



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Initium by Samhain. Danzig ups the spook factor on his first post-Misfits release by slowing everything down and drenching himself in blood. Hot traxx include "Black Dream," "All Murder All Guts All Fun," and "He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named." By the way, Samhain is pronounced "sow-win," and it means November in Irish-talk.


- "Initium," the spoken word/noise piece at the beginning of the album, coincides with the production credits, title, and opening crawl; "Samhain," the actual first song on the album, begins the moment the opening crawl completely disappears.

- "Black Dream" starts as the stormtroopers are blasting their way through the Tantive IV door.

- The phrase "pretty pretty black one" in "Black Dream" coincides with one of the first shots of Darth Vader.

- "All Murder All Guts All Fun" starts the same time as the first Vader choke scene; the song ends as Vader waves for Princess Leia to be taken away.

- The pause in "Macabre" starts as C-3PO turns his body to watch R2-D2 rolling away from him; the song starts up again the same moment 3PO begins moving after R2.

- One of the cymbal crashes in "The Shift" coincides with 3PO hitting R2 on the dome.

- "Archangel" begins right before the first appearance of Princess Leia's hologram.


That pause in "Macabre" with C-3PO really tripped me out. Very dreamlike. Actually, that's a good way to describe Initium on the whole - dreamlike. Maybe that's the power of suggestion; after all, the album does feature a song with "dream" in the title. Yet it does honestly remind me of the unconscious state. The vast amounts of echo and reverb, the bells and chimes that occasionally pop up, the atonal soloing towards the end of "Archangel" (not to mention all that low chanting in the beginning)...this, to me, is what a nighttime vision sounds like, or should sound like.

Of course, if you've read my dream log (link), you know I never have any dreams that resemble what I just described. Take for instance last night, where I dreamed the giant floating head of Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer was reunited with childhood pal Spanky McFarland on the deck of a sinking fisherman's boat. I think it was part of a movie or television show. Can't remember if I was actually on the boat or not. All I could hear was, "Spanky? Is that you?"

I've been meaning to move the dream log over to blogspot. It's on my list of technical things to do, which includes redesigning and making the GSWSP slightly more user-friendly. The latter is at the top of my list.

Big news to be revealed later today. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Artoo Zombies



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Walk Among Us, the 1982 Misfits album that gave the world such horror punk classics as "I Turned into a Martian," "Astro Zombies," and "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?" Interesting fact: the drummer on this album was Arthur Googy, who was eventually kicked out of the band for either A) buying two cheeseburgers at McDonald's instead of the one he was allotted by Danzig or B) admitting that, if he could, he would fellate himself on a regular basis. Even more interesting fact: following his stint in the Misfits, Googy would appear in a number of big-time television commercials, including one for Mickey D's rival Burger King. I bet he got all the cheeseburgers he wanted that day (although self-fellatio probably still eluded him).


- "All Hell Breaks Loose" begins roughly the same time as the Imperial invasion.

- A stormtrooper falls over at the same time the "rrrraaaauggh!" is heard in "All Hell Breaks Loose."

- The line "evil is as evil does" coincides with a shot of Darth Vader.

- The first "go!" in "Nike-a-Go-Go" coincides with C-3PO getting into the escape pod.

- The "go!" at the end of "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?" coincides with the one Jawa motioning for the tube to go back up into the sandcrawler.


Ever heard of that Misfits parody band the Misfats? They're four fat guys who dress up like the Misfits and sing Misfits songs with lyrics about food instead of demons and junk. For example, "20 Eyes" is "20 Pies." Hilarious, right? Well, those guys stole that idea from me and my friends. Granted, we only ever talked about Misfits food parody songs in the confines of my 1994 Toyota Tercel as we drove around the outskirts of Orlando on balmy Summer nights, but even was our friggin' idea!

Sigh. Early bird catches the worm, I guess. Well, for posterity's sake, here's some of our ideas. Misfats, if you're reading this, what's below is now yours for the taking (if you haven't already thought of these brilliant ideas):

Mommy, Can I Go Out and Grill Tonight?
Devil's Chophouse
Night of the Living Bread
Astro Zingers
I Turned into a Marshmallow
Hollywood Baby Ruth
Where Eagles Dine
London Broil
Fry, Fry My Darling
Death Comes Roasting
Preheat at 138
Last Carcass
Some Kinda Ham

Around the time we came up with all of these, we also penned an amazing parody of Black Flag's "Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie" called "Kimmy Kimmy Kimmy," about Kimmy Gibbler, the neighbor on "Full House." I'm telling you, the world is lucky we got distracted by girls, chocolate, and Brit-coms.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Theme For A Jawa



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Static Age by the Misfits. Recorded in 1978, unreleased until 1996, worshipped by yours truly since 1998. I'm using the box set version here, in case you were wondering, which does not include "She," "Spinal Remains," or "In the Doorway."


- "Static Age" ends as the opening crawl begins to fade away.

- "T.V. Casualty" starts right as the camera pans down after the opening crawl.

- The line "hold on, I think I have to puke" in "T.V. Casualty" is heard as we see the droids reacting to the massive explosion that rocks the Tantive IV.

- The "voices" at the end of "T.V. Casualty" begins at the same time the Imperials and the Rebels begin firing at one another.

- Darth Vader is onscreen both times the phrase "maggots in the iron lung" is heard in "Some Kinda Hate."

- The line "I got something to say" in "Last Caress" is heard as C-3PO tells R2-D2 he's not getting into the escape pod.

- The guitars in "Hybrid Moments" begin at the same exact moment C-3PO kicks R2-D2 on the surface of Tatooine.

- R2-D2 stops rolling through the canyon to look over at the Jawa at the same moment the first chord is heard in "We Are 138."

- The line "we need no introduction" is heard in "Teenagers From Mars" as the droids are reunited aboard the sandcrawler.

- The line "we want, we need, we take it" in "Teenagers From Mars" coincides with the stormtroopers searching the desert for the droids.

- The phrase "little angelfuck" in "Angelfuck" coincides with a shot of Princess Leia's hologram.

- C-3PO hits R2-D2 at the same moment the last chord is heard in "Angelfuck."

- The line "you can't come inside" in "Hollywood Babylon" coincides with Luke walking inside the Lars homestead, leaving the droids in his room/garage (obviously, they can't come inside, probably because they aren't allowed).

- Luke is seen walking outside after the argument with his uncle as the line "can't believe the things that you say to me" is heard in "Attitude."


This one was too cool for school. Or should I say too ghoul? Oh, I'm a regular Zacherley over here!

Extra freak factor: "We Are 138," arguably the most popular song on Static Age, was allegedly inspired by THX-1138, the first film George Lucas ever made. Ironically, George Lucas has probably never even heard of the Misfits and wouldn't know Glenn Danzig if he got knocked out on his front lawn.

There, I made the Tuba City reference. Now we can all get on with our lives. The stupidity of a faux-satanist in his fifties should not take away from the brilliance that same faux-satanist spearheaded in his twenties and thirties.

Moving on...I should try this with the other version of Static Age one time, just to see if I get more synchs. You never know. "Spinal Remains" could be a goldmine.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Mother, Tell Your Jawas Not to Walk My Way

My good friend Freedom Johnson commented today that the general public has been "silently awaiting" an entire week of Glenn Danzig-related albums here on the GSWSP. Who am I to disappoint the (apparently mute) general public?

6/26: Misfits - Static Age
6/27: Misfits - Walk Among Us
6/28: Samhain - Initium
6/29: Samhain - November-Coming-Fire
6/30: Danzig - Danzig

Yes, all with Star Wars. That's just how I gotsta roll.

To all you folks out there silently awaiting "Rap Attack 2," "Super Sounds of '83," or any one of the other bajillion themes I've mentioned previously, please, be patient. All I have at my disposal is the public library, a small circle of friends (most of whom have the same musical tastes as I), and my own personal CD collection. It may take some time, but your theme will come.

To the 5 Banthas



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


To the 5 Boroughs by the Beastie Boys. Dropped in '04, this was a stunning, stripped-down return to form for the Beasties, featuring some of their dopest beats and rhymes in years. How can you hate on an album that samples "Sonic Reducer" and makes passing reference to Carl Sagan's turtlenecks? You just can't, my friends. You just can't.


- The line "we need a bit more gun controllin'" in "Right Right Now Now" coincides with a shot of the Rebel soldiers aboard the Tantive IV firing madly at the stormtroopers.

- The line "I'm gettin' kinda tired of this situation" in "Right Right Now Now" coincides with a shot of the droids watching the Rebels and the Imperials fighting in the corridor of the Tantive IV.

- The phrase "and I'm on my way" in "Right Right Now Now" coincides with the droids scurrying between the warring factions aboard the Tantive IV, attempting to escape.

- Darth Vader's choking victim dies at the same moment the backwards noises at the end of "Right Right Now Now" begin.

- C-3PO starts walking to his immediate left on the surface of Tatooine as the line "we need a shift on over to the left" is heard in "It Takes Time to Build."

- Ad Rock exclaims, "What the Helen of Troy is that?" in "Triple Trouble" as the strange, dome-shaped droid is seen rolling around in front of the sandcrawler.

- Someone says, "hey, yo!" in "Hey Fuck You" as one Jawa motions to another Jawa to prep C-3PO for sale; it looks as if the Jawa is saying "hey, yo!" to his friend.

- C-3PO is seen dipping into the oil bath as the phrase "dipsy doo-doo" is heard in "Hey Fuck You."

- The sample of the guy saying, "LAY-dee!" in "Oh Word?" coincides with a shot of Princess Leia's hologram.

- The line "the time and the place for the mind is here and now" in "That's It That's All" coincides with Uncle Owen explaining to Luke that he can go to the Academy after he does another season on the farm.

- Luke leans up against a wall and gives a dejected look inside Obi-Wan's home as the line "don't even get me started..." is heard in "Crawlspace" (his body language seems to be saying these exact words).


Fairly off the hook, but not fixin' to blow up anytime soon. If I had to rank this bad boy on a scale from one to ten, with ten being more incredible than losing your virginity to Elizabeth Hurley and one being the equivalent of a reach around from Nathan Lane, I'd give it a solid six. That's dry humping the most popular cheerleader from your high school.

So I obviously received my new copies of the trilogy in the mail today (hence all the new words you can see in this here word space). Three cheers for gut instincts, eBay, honest sellers, the U.S. Postal service, and the general awesomeness of widescreen (in that order). Now I can focus on more important things, like what I'm gonna do on here all next week.

Friday, June 23, 2006


The inevitable finally happened today. The VCR ate my copy of Star Wars. About five minutes into the To The 5 Boroughs experiment, the movie froze on a close-up of Darth Vader. It took me a moment to realize what was happening. In a slight panic, I leapt from the bed and ejected the cassette. A mile of ribbon trailed out behind it. The tape had snapped somewhere, so winding it back into its plastic casing was out. Believe me, I tried, frantically spinning those clunky white wheels around and around, but it was no use. Star Wars was dead.

Initially, I swore revenge on the machine, but then I thought about just how faithful my VCR has been for the decade I have owned it. Aside this incident, the only other movie it ever wrecked beyond repair was Tommy Boy. Oh sure, she's nibbled on tapes before, including this copy of Star Wars, but rarely has she sent a tape to Davey Jones' locker. She's been a good friend. Perhaps I was pushing her too hard, watching the same tape every day with no head cleaning inbetween viewings. Luckily, I have another newer VCR I can utilize for the duration of this project (and I'll be sure to take much better care of that one).

In another turn of luck, it just so happens that I have another VHS copy of Star Wars on its way to my home. Amazingly, I've never owned a widescreen edition of the trilogy, and about two weeks ago I decided I really needed one (not seeing that Tusken Raider Luke sees right before the other one attacks him was really starting to piss me off). So I went on eBay and bought a set that was supposedly only watched once or twice. It was mailed a few days ago, and if my calculations are correct, I should be receiving it today or tomorrow.

For a split second there, I thought about the new DVDs. Admittedly, a major bonus to purchasing them when they come out would be the elimination of magnectic tape-related accidents. However, I cannot go back on my principles. I paid ten bucks for the set I just bought. That includes all three films. The DVDs are going to retail at triple that amount per film, and the original versions included are only going to look and sound a little bit better than their VHS incarnations. When Lucasfilm decides to stop dicking the hardcore fans around and gives us a reason to stop clinging to our VCRs and/or producing laserdisc bootlegs, then I'll gladly pay whatever exorbitant amount they're asking for.

But I digress. If I get the new VHS tapes in the mail today, I'll complete the 5 Boroughs experiment after work and have it up by tonight (based on what little I did see, this one was shaping up to be totally off the hook). If they show up tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow night and slap it up Sunday morning. If they don't arrive until Monday, well shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. I guess I'll extend the Beastie Boys into next week and try a few albums I haven't already tried with the still-functioning movies I currently possess (Empire and Jedi). When I get the new ones, I'll finish what was supposed to be today's experiment and drop it on your unsuspecting asses.

As for Big Bertha (that's what I call my old VCR), she'll still have her spot under the bedroom T.V. for now. She just won't see much action in the coming years. Maybe I'll give her a good cleaning one weekend when I have nothing else to do. We'll sit and chat as I take a toothbrush to her cold metal parts, talking up the price of gas and that new skateboarding chimp picture.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Bantha Movin'



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Hello Nasty by the Beastie Boys. To paraphrase some guy on a Beastie Boys message board, there are a lot of bells and whistles on this one. That would be fine if the album was under an hour in length, but it's not. Hello Nasty clocks in at sixty-seven minutes; as a result, the album comes across as cluttered and somewhat confused. That being said, there are still moments of patented Beastie greatness, most notably the outerspace jammy-jam "Intergalactic" (which contains the ridiculous/awesome line "I'll stir fry you in my wok").


- Right before "Remote Control" starts, someone yells out, "Brace yourself, fool!" This coincides with a shot of the Rebel Darth Vader is choking, looking scared for his life.

- As soon as the film cuts to the inside of the sandcrawler, the strange jack-in-the-box noises begin in "Just a Test."

- R2-D2 wakes up aboard the sandcrawler at the same time the voice says, "Ready?" at the beginning of "Body Movin'."

- The phrase "body movin'" in "Body Movin'" is heard repeatedly as we see the Gonk droid walking around (Gonk is, in essence, just a body that is movin').

- The phrase "body movin'" in "Body Movin'" is heard repeatedly again as we see the sandcrawler moving across the Tatooine desert at night (the sandcrawler is moving the bodies of the Jawas and the droids).

- The line "cast you off into exile" in "Intergalactic" is heard as R2-D2 is initially left behind after the robot auction.

- R5-D4 explodes at the same time a drum hit sounds during "Intergalactic."

- The line "all top secret and classified" in "Three MCs and One DJ" coincides with Princess Leia's hologram, which is relaying top secret information.

- A cymbal crash in "Song for Junior" coincides with C-3PO flopping the dead Jawa onto the fire outside of the sandcrawler.

- The phrase "comin' strong" in "The Negotiation Limerick File" is heard as Obi-Wan slices Dr. Evanzan's arm off in the cantina.

- The phrase "let's try to negotiate" is heard repeatedly in "The Negotiation Limerick File" as Han Solo and Obi-Wan discuss the terms of the proposed flight to Alderaan.

- Someone says, "you think I've lost my mind" (or something close to that) towards the end of "The Negotiation Limerick File." This coincides with Luke's upset reaction to Han's asking price for the flight to Alderaan.

- The line "the actions typically displayed" in "Electrify" is heard as Han unlatches his gun underneath the table while talking to Greedo in the cantina.

- The phrase "electrify" in "Electrify" coincides with Greedo being shot and his lifeless body hitting the table.


Definitely some neat stuff here. I started using my regular stereo again, so you know all this shizzy is on time and comin' correct. I don't mess around, son!

Does anyone else out there categorize albums in their head by temperature, weather pattern, season, and/or time of day? To me, Hello Nasty is a cold, rainy day album. I'll always pop it on when the clouds are gray and the heavens open up. To The 5 Boroughs, which I'll be trying here tomorrow, is the total opposite: a nice sunny Summer day album, perfect to listen to whilst running through soft grass or washing your car.

Often this categorization stems from the atmospheric circumstances that were occurring when I acquired said albums, but more often than not it's just my personal belief as to when I think the best time is to hear the music in question. For instance, I purchased To The 5 Boroughs on the rainiest of rainy mornings in 2004, but I can't help that it makes me think of a warm July day and lots of outdoor activities.

You want other examples? Let's do some list action here, since I'm running behind schedule:


To The 5 Boroughs by the Beastie Boys
Raw Power by the Stooges
Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols
Anything by Guitar Wolf
Anything by AC/DC


Road to Ruin by the Ramones
Nimrod by Green Day
Machine Gun Ettiquette by the Damned
Anything by Mudhoney


Hello Nasty by the Beastie Boys
Peace Sells...But Who's Buying? by Megadeth
Rock for Light by Bad Brains
Anything by Alice in Chains
Anything by Pantera


The Bends by Radiohead
Siamese Dream by Smashing Pumpkins
Coral Fang by the Distillers
Anything by Ministry


Brain Drain by the Ramones
Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys
The Stooges by the Stooges
Anything by Run-D.M.C.


Basement Apes by Gluecifer
Youthanasia by Megadeth
Songs for the Deaf by Queens of the Stone Age
Anything by Danzig-era Misfits
Anything by the Replacements


Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys
The Black Album by the Damned
Lost Highway soundtrack

You get the idea. That's just how I roll, you know? With the crazy mental weather/season/time of day filing system.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Root Darth



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Ill Communication by the Beastie Boys. Contains "Sabotage," the most exciting and cool song released by a major label act during my formative teenage years. The accompanying video was tits, too. The most perfect pairing of sound and image I've ever seen on MTV. The rest of the album is kinda...well, let's put it this way: I'm pretty sure this experiment marks only the second time I've listened to it the whole way through.


- The line "down, down" in "Root Down" coincides with R2-D2 falling over after the Jawa shoots him.

- C-3PO hits R2 on the dome as the last chord of "Sabotage" sounds.

- In "Get It Together," the line "she's the cheese" is heard as we see Aunt Beru; the camera then cuts to Luke for the next line, "and I'm the macaroni."

- A cymbal crash in "Sambrosa" coincides with Luke popping off R2's restraining bolt.

- "The Update" starts as Luke walks into the kitchen area of the Lars homestead and begins talking about how he thinks R2 is stolen.

- The line "alright, I gotta get back" in "Alright Hear This" is heard as Luke stops walking in the Jundland Wastes and turns around, realizing that he has to help C-3PO.

- The violin solo in "Eugene's Lament" begins as Princess Leia's hologram appears.

- The intense violin ending of "Eugene's Lament" plays as Princess Leia's hologram fades out and Obi-Wan and Luke sit in stunned silence.

- Ponda Baba shoves Luke as one of the brief guitar chords sounds right before the breakdown in "Heart Attack Man."

- Dr. Evanzan makes his appearance as the breakdown in "Heart Attack Man" begins.

- Greedo's charred corpse hits the table in the cantina at the same time a whooshing noise is heard in "The Scoop."

- The weird, clunky drum noises in "Bodhisattva Vow" are heard as Grand Moff Tarkin reveals to Princess Leia that the Death Star's first target will be Alderaan.


For reasons that are really too boring to get into, I've been using a different stereo this week for the experiments. After fiddling with my regular unit today (please children, stop giggling), I discovered that the stereo I've been using this week lags for about a second even when you pause the CD before it starts. I couldn't believe it. That means all the synchs in Root Darth, Looking Down the Barrel of a Gonk, and Licensed to Ill (on Hoth) are about a second off.


I don't think this affects the lyrical synchs too much, but any percussive or musical synchs are probably out the window. I'm not going to do these experiments over again, because we're only talking about a second here, but I will post a disclaimer on all three very soon. Man, talk about aggravation. I'm more frustrated than Britney Spears over here. I'm cryin', y'all!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Looking Down the Barrel of a Gonk

EDIT: This experiment is about one second off, because the stereo I was using inserted a pause that long before the CD began playing. Just thought you should know.



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Paul's Boutique by the Beastie Boys, a record I tried spinning last November with Return of the Jedi (link). I think it's safe to say that this album is the artistic pinnacle of the Beastie's career, isn't it? They'd go on to produce some great material in the future, but in terms of crafting an amazing album from start to finish, Boutique pretty much takes the cake.


- The line "threw my man in the tank" in "High Plains Drifter" is heard right after R2-D2 has been sucked up into the sandcrawler.

- MCA (I think) makes a clicking noise in "Hey Ladies" that coincides with Luke popping off R2-D2's restraining bolt.

- The line "the gift of gab is the gift that I have" in "Hey Ladies" is heard as Luke strikes up the conversation with his Uncle at the dinner table.

- The Tusken Raider attacks Luke as the phrase "expressing my aggression" is heard in "Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun."

- A weird scratching noise is heard during one of the parts of "B-Boy Bouillabaisse"; that noise coincides with Ponda Baba angrily making noises at Luke in the cantina (it almost sounds like his actual voice in the film).


If you peeped the Jedi experiment I linked in the album description, you may have noticed the first synch in that one is the keyboard noodling in "To All The Girls" beginning the same time the Star Wars logo appears. All these movies have identical openings, right? So why didn't that synch happen in today's experiment? Well, it probably did. The volume was down way too low on my headphones when I started this one, so I think I missed it.

That's one of the drawbacks to Paul's Boutique - it starts with a fade in, and you can never be sure if it's at the right volume until you're about halfway through the first track. I hate albums that do that. Hey albums, stop doing that! It's annoying!

But I digress. Here's a cool site to check out if you've ever wondered where a particular sample on Paul's Boutique came from:

Paul's Boutique Samples and References.

All kinds of fascinating info. There's, like, a ton of Beatles samples I never noticed before. Guess that was their sly FU to Michael Jackson. You know, 'cause he used to own all the Beatles songs back in the eighties and wouldn't let the Beasties cover "I'm Down" on Licensed to Ill. I don't know why. Probably just felt like being a dick. All I know is that while you may have needed permission to cover a song back then, you sure as hell didn't need permission to sample one (you also didn't have to pay anyone for it). So it looks like the Boys used their sophomore effort to get their just desserts.

Of course, that's all changed now. Today, if I wanted to sample Tiny Tim on my hard-hitting hip-hop street anthem, I'd have to contact Tim's estate and request permission. If they said yes, I'd have to agree to pay them a small royalty every time someone bought my groundbreaking debut album - not to mention every time the blazin' joint in question was played on the radio or used in a movie or television show. It's almost not worth it.

No, the world must hear "Tiptoe Thru the Tizulips '06." I'll lock myself in my beat shack tonight after work and I won't rest until the bass is kickin' and the rhymes is stank.

Monday, June 19, 2006

My Friends Had a Baby

Congrats to Rob and Diana on the birth of their first child, Robert Anthony. That kid couldn't possibly have more rockin' parents. Here's to many years of the happy.

Licensed to Ill (on Hoth)

EDIT: This experiment is about one second off, because the stereo I was using inserted a pause that long before the CD began playing. Just thought you should know.



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys, which I've already spun once with Star Wars (link). Not long ago I discovered that the massive success of this album lead the Beastie Boys to begin negotiations with a major Hollywood studio to star in their own movie. What was to be the premise, you ask? The Beastie Boys trapped in a haunted house. Doesn't that sound like the funniest movie never made? Too bad Rick Rubin had to go in and louse up the deal. Rick Rubin, you only good for two things: growin' long beards and screwin' up other people's lives!


- The phrase "ice is cold" in "She's Crafty" coincides with a shot of Luke collapsing in the middle of the Hoth blizzard, his face encrusted with ice.

- The phrase "busted, busted, busted, busted" in "Posse in Effect" is heard as Han slices open the Tauntaun's stomach.

- The phrase "they got a committee" in "Slow Ride" coincides with the first shot of the snowspeeders searching for Han and Luke.

- The line "I'm flyin' like an eagle" is heard in "Slow Ride" as the camera is close-up on the main snowspeeder pilot who is searching for Han and Luke.

- Princess Leia kisses Luke as "Girls" starts; the intro stops right as she pulls away from him and looks at Han.

- The phrase "we took a walk" in "Girls" coincides with numerous Rebels walking out of the Echo Base command center.

- The "kick it!" at the beginning of "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)" coincides with the first shot of Darth Vader.

- The line "cut that hair" in "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)" coincides with a shot of Mark Hamill and his shaggy haircut.

- The first "hit it!" in "Hold It Now, Hit It" coincides with the Imperial walker stepping on Luke's snowspeeder.

- Another "hit it!" in "Hold It Now, Hit It" coincides with an Imperial walker cockpit exploding.

- The line "I'm the King of the Ad with the def female" in "Hold It Now, Hit It" is heard as Han and Leia are seen onscreen together.

- One of the many guitar chord samples in "Slow and Low" coincides with an asteroid hitting the Millennium Falcon; it actually looks like the ship is shaking due to the loud guitar chord.

- Another chord in "Slow and Low" coincides with a TIE fighter exploding.

- Luke's X-Wing lands on Dagobah as the last guitar chord before the first verse in "Time To Get Ill" is heard.


Would it be fair to say that if this experiment were an American President, it would be Gerald Ford? I think so. Ineffectual, but not a total loss. If anyone out there can think of a better Presidential comparison, by all means, hit me up.

Switching gears: I have to give mad props immediately to the following websites who mentioned a lil' sumtin' sumtin' about the GSWSP:, (not a porn site, I swear), and Thanks, you guys. All those are linked, and I would highly recommend surfing over to each one and checking them out. They're all very cool, especially if you're into Ghostbusters, Star Wars, and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey, respectively.

Man oh man, I have some semi-big news to lay on you people, but I gotta wait until I get more details about it. Some of you already know what I'm talking about. Please, stay hush-hush for now. Don't wanna jinx it. All I can really tell you now is that word about the GSWSP has gotten around and I've been talking to some folks I never thought I'd be talking to.


Friday, June 16, 2006

B-E-A-S-T-I-E, Go!

Yes, my dear readers, next week will be devoted entirely to those great white hopes of the rap world, the three MCs who have been known, on occasion, to let the beat drrrrop, I'm talking, of course, about our friends the Beastie Boys.

6/19: Licensed to Ill
6/20: Paul's Boutique
6/21: Ill Communication
6/22: Hello Nasty
6/23: To The 5 Boroughs

All with Star Wars except Licensed to Ill. Been down that road already, so I'll spin that one with Empire. Aw, yeah! NO-body CAN do it like JG2 can, COME ON!

The Corellian Guy



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The soundtrack to The Cable Guy, the 1996 comedy that pitted Jim Carrey's desperate loner against Matthew Broderick's guarded everyman. I saw it in the theater three times. Go ahead, laugh at me, I'm used to it. The soundtrack is littered with post-Nirvana grunge droppings from the likes of Jerry Cantrell, Silverchair, and Filter. Carrey's performance of "Somebody to Love" from the film is also included, complete with faux concert ramblings ("don't eat the green acid - that's for the bass player!"). Worth your coppers if you happen upon it in the zero to six dollar price range.


- The phrase "save me" is repeated in "Leave Me Alone" as numerous Rebel soldiers are seen being shot aboard the Tantive IV.

- The line "I need to get out, something's wrong around here" in "Blind" coincides with C-3PO walking through the desert alone.

- The line "he cannot see, he's blind" in "Blind" is heard at the exact moment R2-D2 stops rolling through the canyon to look over in the direction of the Jawa hiding behind the rock; the Jawa ducks down and R2 can't see him, so he rolls forward.

- Right after the synch described above, "Blind" goes into a fast part. This fast part ends at the same time R2 falls over after being shot by the Jawa.

- The line "threw the poor boy out into the street" in "Oh! Sweet Nuthin'" coincides with Luke waving the broken R5-D4 away.

- The spacy noise at the beginning of "Satellite of Love" coincides with the appearance of Princess Leia's hologram in Obi-Wan's home.

- Luke and Uncle Owen are seen conversing at the table as the line "the end of the world is coming" is heard in "Satellite of Love." The end of Owen's world is coming; the next time we see him, he's nothing but a charred corpse.

- The camera is on Obi-Wan as the phrase "an old G" is heard in "The Last Assassin."

- The line "I should have seen this coming" in "This Is" coincides with Admiral Motti being Force-choked by Vader after ragging on the Sith Lord.

- The final line of "Hey Man, Nice Shot" ("I'd say, 'hey man, nice shot'") coincides with Obi-Wan slicing off Dr. Evanzan's arm in the cantina.


Well, there was some downright neat stuff in this one. Another unexpected treat. Yay, Cable Guy.

I'm thinking Beastie Boys for next week. I've done a few experiments before with the Beasties, none of which were totally off the chain. Lemme think about it and I'll get back at you later with a schedule.

Thursday, June 15, 2006


No Judgement Night. It's not in my possession yet, and I don't really have time to go out tonight to search for a copy. Therefore, I am forced to try something a little less interesting tomorrow: the soundtrack to The Cable Guy. Sorry if this is your biggest disappointment of the week. I know it's mine.

Lost Hanway



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The soundtrack to David Lynch's 1997 freak-out Lost Highway. Bowie, Trent Reznor, Marilyn Manson, Rammstein, and a bunch of dark, jazzy incidental music from a guy named Angelo Badalamenti. A good CD to blast on those lonely nocturnal jaunts that sometimes stretch across several states. Not a good CD to play when you have to drive Grandma to the dentist.


- The creepy part at the end of "I'm Deranged" begins at the same moment the large explosion rocks the Tantive IV.

- The strange, spacy noises in "Videodrones; Questions" begin as C-3PO and the Rebel soldiers look up to the ceiling on the Tantive IV; the noises intensify as the film cuts to the Star Destroyer slowly capturing the Rebel ship.

- A lone saxophone begins skronking in "Red Bats with Teeth" at the same moment the film cuts to R2-D2 rolling through the canyon alone.

- "Haunting and Heartbreaking" plays during the sequence where the Jawas capture R2-D2, and the music seems to suit the mood of the scene.

- Distant mechanical noises in "Haunting and Heartbreaking" are heard as the tube comes down from the sandcrawler to suck up R2-D2.

- A scream is heard in "Haunting and Heartbreaking" as the Jawa walks up to R2 and applies the restraining bolt.

- The rough noises at the end of "Eye" start when the Jawa shuts R2-D2 down after the robot auction.

- Obi-Wan's first appearance coincides with a dissonant chord sound in "Mr. Eddy's Theme 2."

- Lightsaber-esque noises are heard in "Fred and Renee Make Love" as Luke swings the lightsaber around in Obi-Wan's home.

- The camera is on Obi-Wan numerous times when the phrase "I'm dying" is heard in "Apple of Sodom" (Obi-Wan dies later in the film).

- "Something Wicked This Way Comes" starts as Darth Vader enters Princess Leia's Death Star cell.

- The line "I can't stand the things that you do" in "I Put a Spell on You" is heard as Ponda Baba shoves Luke inside the cantina.

- The evil laughter in "Rammstein" is heard as the stormtroopers enter Docking Bay 94 and begin firing on the Millennium Falcon.


Now you have a fun activity you can try at your next party or mixer, Lynch freaks of the world! You know, aside from arguing about what David was trying to say with Rabbits.

Many of Angelo Badalamenti's pieces on this soundtrack reminded me of silent film music, and that made me wonder if Star Wars would work as a silent. Probably, but I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to see it for the first time without all those stellar sound effects. That would certainly be a major loss. Mad props to Ben Burtt, the sound engineer (nay, scientist) who created it all.

The Burttman works at Pixar now. Jumped the Lucasfilm ship last year. Rumor has it he wasn't down with a lot of the creative decisions George was making. Don't know how true that is or isn't, but a lot of fans think the gossip is legit based on Ben's handful of dissatisfied and distressed looks in the Phantom Menace documentary made during that film's production. I haven't seen it in a while, so I can't really comment on it. The only thing that stuck with me after watching that doc was how awful Jake Lloyd sucked in audition compared to all the other kids trying out. That kid was a Yugo in a lot of Cadillacs.

I'll have to watch that one again soon to see if I notice what these chickens are clucking about. All I can say right now is that if Ben Burtt really did split from Lucasfilm because he was frustrated or upset, I really hope he talks about it one day. I realize the confidentiality agreement Lucasfilm employees sign most likely restricts them from mentioning 95% of what goes on there to the outside world for the remainder of their lives, but that's just paper, baby. We all know some funky shit has been going on, and GL can't live forever.

Beans will be spilled one day, my friends. Oh yes, beans will be spilled.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Schedule Change

The Judgement Night soundtrack has yet to find its way into my hot little hands, so I'm calling in a substitution for tomorrow: Lost Highway. That's right, son. I be gettin' my David Lynch on.

Friday's subject still remains unclear. Hopefully it will be Judgement Night, although I wouldn't place any bets on it.

Leia Than Zero



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The Less Than Zero soundtrack. They don't come much more diverse than this - Roy Orbison, Slayer, the Bangles, and Public Enemy, to name a few. If this is what a coke high sounds like, I'm never touching the stuff. Sorry, Poison. Besides, I like my nose the way it is now - not spewing blood and mucous and pieces of my brain.


- The line "life fades away" in "Life Fades Away" is heard as the Rebel soldier Darth Vader is choking dies.

- The line "you say you wanna go for a spin" in "Rock and Roll All Nite" coincides with a shot of the escape pod spinning down towards Tatooine.

- The opening lines of "You and Me (Less Than Zero)" coincide with a shot of the droids (those lines are "you and me, we were there, through the best and worst of the years").

- The line "oh, won't you come with me?" in "In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida" coincides with R2-D2 rolling towards C-3PO and Luke after the robot auction.

- Obi-Wan is getting out Luke's father's lightsaber as the line "I can show you what you been missin'" is heard in "How to Love Again."


Not quite less than zero, but pretty close. Oh, snizzle, I went thizzle. I'd go on, but the demons of yesterday's fruit drinks are summoning me to the urinal. Oh Devil, why dost thou tempt me with twenty-four ounce cups? You are wicked!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006




Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The Ghostbusters soundtrack. If there were no Star Wars, I would have written a book called Ghostbusters Ruined My Life. Additionally, this blog would be the Great Ghostbusters Synchronicity Project, and my biggest entertainment-related gripe right now would be Sony's shoddy treatment of the two Ectomobiles (they're just sitting on their backlot, rotting away!). Truth be told, I may be more dorked about the boys in gray than Luke Skywalker. Proof? I've never written any Star Wars fan fiction, but last year I began work on my own version of Ghostbusters 3. It follows the basic plot elements that Aykroyd and Ramis have spoken about in interviews, in case you're wondering.


- The first shout of "Ghostbusters!" in "Ghostbusters" coincides with the appearance of the Star Wars logo.

- In "Ghostbusters," every single chord change in one of the "I ain't afraid of no ghost" bridges (I'm not sure if it's the first or the second) coincides with an edit in the film. That is to say, every single time a note changes, the film cuts to a different image of either C-3PO, R2-D2, or the Rebel troops mobilizing.

- The phrase "big mean local ghost" in "Cleanin' Up the Town" is heard as Darth Vader makes his first appearance.

- The line "stepped right in and got down to the point" is heard in "Cleanin' Up the Town" as the one stormtrooper walks into the open area of the Tantive IV where Vader is choking the Rebel guy to tell him that the Death Star plans are not on the ship.

- The ragtime breakdown in "Cleanin' Up the Town" coincides with Princess Leia's capture; most of the edits in this scene synch up with chord sequence changes in the song.

- The line "looks like you've lost control" in "Savin' the Day" is heard as the camera is on Princess Leia, who has been captured and is being yelled at by Vader.

- The line "you can't run away if you where to go" in "Savin' the Day" is heard as C-3PO is seen walking out of the escape pod on Tatooine, unsure of where he is going.

- C-3PO turns to look at R2-D2, who is going in the opposite direction, and asks where he's going as the line "don't go" is heard in "Savin' the Day."

- The spark that ignites when the Jawa affixes the restraining bolt to R2-D2 coincides with a cymbal crash in "In the Name of Love."

- The line "I know it's worth it all to spend my life with you" in "I Can Wait Forever" coincides with a shot of C-3PO and R2-D2 aboard the sandcrawler (Threepio and Artoo do spend their lives together; they are the only characters who appear in all six Star Wars films).

- R2-D2 begins hobbling towards C-3PO after their initial separation following the robot auction as the last chorus of "I Can Wait Forever" is heard; it looks as if R2 is singing this to C-3PO, who slowly turns around to look at the singing, hobbling droid.

- Uncle Owen says, "that hermit's just a crazy old wizard" as the line "I believe it's magic" is heard in "Magic."

- The first ghostly noise in the Ghostbusters main title theme coincides with the first shot of the Tusken Raiders (who are very spooky-looking).

- Another weird, otherworldly noise is heard in the main title theme as Luke spies the banthas in the canyon.

- The brass swells in the main title theme as the Tusken Raider leaps up and attacks Luke.

- As Obi-Wan appears over the hill, chimes are heard in the main title theme.

- "Dana's theme" begins as Luke comes to in the Jundland Wastes and sees Obi-Wan.

- Obi-Wan's line about life before the "dark times" coincides with the spooky beginning of the intrumental version of "Ghostbusters."

- Princess Leia's hologram appears at the beginning of the second verse of the instrumental version of "Ghostbusters" and disappears at the end of the second chorus; somehow, the music seems to fit the mood of the scene, particularly after Obi tells Luke he needs to come to Alderaan and Luke reacts just as the "bustin' makes me feel good" part starts.

- Darth Vader begins to Force-choke Admiral Motti just as the music stops in the instrumental version of "Ghostbusters"; Vader releases Motti from the Force-choke when the weird, low noise that follows the music stops.


Uh, okay, who saw this coming? No one? Alright, that's what I thought.

I can't begin to tell you how blown away I am by this. The Ghostbusters soundtrack practically reads like a list of artists I'd never try here otherwise - The Thompson Twins, Air Supply, Mick Smiley, etc. Yet here they are, together and synching up with Luke and the droids like it's nobody's business. It's surprises like these that put grease in my garter and make this whole damn project worthwhile.

Now, if I get the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack, I could devote an entire week to the incidental music surrounding Ray, Egon, Peter, and Winston. I could do the first movie's soundtrack again with Empire and Jedi, and GB2 with all three to round it out. I'll just add that idea to the ever-expanding list of future GSWSP themes.

Hey, did I ever show you the picture of me in front of the Ghostbusters firehouse?

Angela and I went inside and the firefighters were really nice. They had the GB2 sign and a bunch of photos from the making of the films. As you can see, I was very excited afterwards.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Luke & Han's Bogus Journey



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


The soundtrack to Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. This was the first CD I ever owned. A few years ago I sold it on eBay, but about two days after I mailed it out a friend of mine, completely unaware of my history with the Bogus Journey soundtrack, bought me another copy just for shits and giggles. I took this as a sign that I am never to be without this disc, as it holds the key to solving some unknown mystery that lies ahead of me on the road of life. Plus, that Primus song really kicks ass.


- A drumroll in "Battle Stations" coincides with the explosion that convinces C-3PO to get into the escape pod.

- The line "dream of a new day, I do" in "Dream of a New Day" coincides with Luke playing with his T-16, dreaming about getting off Tatooine.

- The line "I hear a distant wailing cry" in "Go To Hell" coincides with Luke and Obi-Wan hearing the Tusken Raider battle cries off in the distance.


That was non, non-non, non heinous! That's Billspeak for bad. There was one more synch that apparently involved a Jawa, but once again my awful handwriting has gotten the best of me.

By the way, the Bill & Ted movies are tied for third place on my list of top ten favorite movies of all-time. Would you like to see the entire list? Of course you would, this is a list-obsessed culture we're living in.

JG2's Top Ten Favorite Movies of All-Time:

1. Star Wars/The Empire Strikes Back/Return of the Jedi
2. Ghostbusters
3. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure/Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
4. Jaws
5. Dracula (1931)
6. Phantom of the Opera (1925)
7. Rock n' Roll High School
8. Batman (1989)
9. Tommy Boy
10. Strange Brew

Honorable mentions: The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, Halloween, Pulp Fiction, Army of Darkness, Coming to America, Half Baked.

You'll notice the absence of any Corey Haim/Corey Feldman vehicles. For a long time, License to Drive was tied with Strange Brew for the number ten slot. Then one day in 2004 I watched both movies back-to-back, and the onscreen magic between Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas pretty much nuked the Coreys out of my top eighty.

Sorry, Feldhaim, but now you must dwell somewhere in the low hundreds, sharing company with Cop and a Half and Heartbeeps. Don't worry, though; you're still higher up than all three Star Wars prequels.

Dude, when I first typed Rick Moranis, I typed "Rock Moranis." That would be an awesome name for a band. Rock Moranis with their debut record Louis Tully Gets Medieval On Your Ass. I'm so gonna form that band tomorrow.

Wait a minute, I'm already in a band. We played last night, even. How quickly I forget. Well, that explains the complete exhaustion I'm feeling at the moment. To quote Frankenstein (as written by Jamie Shields), me need coffee.

Friday, June 09, 2006


Here's a wacky idea courtesy of my pal Shane - trying to synch soundtracks from other movies up with Star Wars! That Shane, he's just a fountain of great ideas! And it goes a lil' summin' like this:

6/12: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
6/13: Ghostbusters
6/14: Less Than Zero
6/15: Judgement Night
6/16: TBA

I hate to throw the TBA in there, but I'm just not sure what I'll use for that day yet. Could be Lost Highway, could be Batman Forever. Could be something entirely different. I got options to explore, son.

Hoth of Glass



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Blondie's Greatest Hits, released in 2002. I think Blondie has more hits compilations than actual albums. It sure seems that way. They all have "Call Me" on them, including this one, which was the number one song in the country on May 21, 1980 (the day The Empire Strikes Back was released). All the other famous Blondie ditties are present here as well: "One Way or Another," "Dreaming," "Rapture," "The Tide is High," "Heart of Glass," etc. Even the lesser knowns are instantly recognizable. They really churned out the gold, that Blondie.


- The first chorus of "Call Me" coincides with Luke talking to Han on his wristband.

- The line "mon chéri" in "Call Me" coincides with the first shot of Princess Leia.

- The phrase "I fear I'm losing you" in "Heart of Glass" is heard as Han is seen searching the frozen Hoth tundra for Luke.

- Darth Vader interrupts the coversation the Imperial dudes are having about Hoth as the line "then you'd step in" is heard in "X Offender."

- The line "I'm in the phone booth" in "Hanging on the Telephone" coincides with a shot of Vader in his little isolation chamber.


New rule: I should probably stay away from any band that writes excessively goopy love songs. That kinda thing just doesn't translate to synchronization (at least not with Star Wars).

If I can bring up high school for the second day in a row, I knew this kid back then who worked on a movie with Debbie Harry. He said she was still really attractive in person and very nice. Don't remember what movie it was, but I don't think this kid was in it. I think he was just a gopher, fetching the actors water and junk.

That was over a decade ago, of course. If the photos and interviews I've been seeing of Deb lately are any indication, she's completely hit or miss these days. She's either looking really great or like death warmed over. I just hope she doesn't totally hag out like Bettie Davis or somebody. That would be sad.

Not that looks are everything, children. You know that. It's just a little heartbreaking when you wake up one day and see someone who looks like Anne Ramsey on TV claiming to be your former celebrity crush. Kind of like passing roadkill on the Interstate.

Man, I was totally channeling a gay male fashion designer right there.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Love Me Like A Rebel

Hey, guess what? The episode of the Bad Religion Podcast featuring moi has been posted (link to BRP website; link to actual podcast). Download it and listen to me ramble on like the old guy at your local diner.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's do the normal thing.



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Ace of Spades by Motörhead. Released November 8, 1980. The apex of the British metal trio's recorded output. Total classic from start to finish, although the album as a whole is often overshadowed by the legendary title track. It's true, "Ace of Spades" the song is the greatest piece of music to come out of Thatcher's England, rivaled by absolutely nothing then, now, or ever, but newcomers should resist the temptation to endlessly repeat it on their CD players and iPods without giving the rest of the disc a chance. It's really good, I swear.


- The line "I knew I'd have to fight you, baby, when I first layed eyes on you" in "Love Me Like A Reptile" is heard as Luke watches the Imperial probot land on Hoth.

- Princess Leia is looking at Han from across the Echo Base control room as the line "you know I got my eye on you" is heard in "Love Me Like A Reptile" (she turns away and the camera cuts to Han during the "eye on you" part).

- The Rebel soldiers are warning Han not to go out in the blizzard to look for Luke as the line "it's suicide" is heard in "Shoot You in the Back."

- The line "you gotta believe in your star" in "Live to Win" coincides with Luke closing his eyes and getting in touch with his Force powers while in the Wampa's cave.

- The line "I know you like it fast and loose" in "Fast and Loose" is heard as we see the snowspeeders looking for Han and Luke flying rather fast and in a loose formation.

- The line "another word I learned to say" in "(We Are) The Road Crew" coincides with Leia shouting "nerf herder" at Han.

- The feedback in "(We Are) The Road Crew" is heard as the Rebels are listening to the Imperial probot's transmission; it looks like they are hearing the feedback.

- "Fire, Fire" starts as the probot bursts into flames.

- Darth Vader says, "That's it! The Rebels are there, and I'm sure Skywalker is with them!" as the line "there ain't no doubt" is heard in "Fire, Fire."

- The line "come on home with me" in "The Chase is Better Than the Catch" coincides with Han trying to get Leia to come with him to the Millennium Falcon.

- Lemmy says, "alright!" in "The Chase is Better Than the Catch" as an Imperial walker is seen exploding.

- Lemmy screams in "The Chase is Better Than the Catch" as the Empire blows up the Rebel's shield generator.

- The pick slide in "The Hammer" coincides with a shot of steam shooting out of some vent inside the Millennium Falcon.


Okay, now I want to try more Motörhead. They'll be getting their own week soon. Can't wait to try Overkill. I always think about the assault on the Death Star when I listen to the title track on that one. That's because in high school I desperately wanted to do that for a music video project in TV Productions class — edit the assault on the Death Star to "Overkill." Never got a chance, though. I was too busy making fake commercials for Big Lots featuring the Ramones and helping construct a blue screen out of construction paper for Jeremy Lacorte's masterpiece "Time Traveling Morons."

I acted in "Time Traveling Morons," too, but I don't like to talk about it. The whole thing was kind of a disaster. Shooting began before the script was finished, and there was some confusion about how the film should end. Assistant director Lee Wright wanted the Morons to be trapped in an apocolyptic future landscape for all eternity, whereas Jeremy insisted the final scene take place on the set of "The Price is Right." I don't recall what we actually shot, but it was a total rush job that insulted anyone who invested any kind of emotion in our characters.

I distanced myself from the team of Wright and Lacorte after that, prefering to spend the class period in the editing bay alone. I'd watch Run-D.M.C. videos and sip warm Surge, thinking about all the girls I liked who would never go out with me. I often thought about sneaking back at night and making that small enclosure my new home, but the absence of running water always discouraged me. That was a rough time in my life.

Oh man, I just remembered I had this awesome Wendy's shirt back then. It was red with the logo in yellow on the front, and it said something about Orange City on the back. Some girl I liked who did go out with me in college stole it. By that I mean I gave it to her on the condition that she'd give it back to me if and when we broke up. Of course, that condition was unspoken, because I seriously thought we were connecting on some metaphysical level where all we had to do was look at one another to communicate.

I can be a dope sometimes.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Givin' the Darth a Bone



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Back in Black by AC/DC. Released July 25, 1980. Their first record with singer Brian Johnson, whose herniated delivery would win over rock fans initially suspicious of the late Bon Scott's replacement. Back in Black features such radio staples as "Hell's Bells," "Shoot to Thrill," "You Shook Me All Night Long," and the iconic title track. Interesting fact: I hated this album when I first heard it. Now, I think it's pretty good.


- The phrase "goods on the left" in "Hell's Bells" is heard as the probot moves to the left of the screen after emerging from its crater on Hoth.

- The phrase "get under your skin" in "Shoot to Thrill" is heard as Han and Leia argue in the Echo Base corridor.

- An Imperial walker begins to fall over as the line "gonna hit the ground" is heard in "Have a Drink on Me."

- The chorus of "Shake a Leg," which is "shake a leg," is heard as Han, Leia, and Threepio scramble to get onboard the Millennium Falcon during the Imperial invasion of Echo Base.


"Shoot to Thrill?" More like "Shoot to BORE!" Yeah, "You Shook Me All Night Long" - WITH BOREDOM! "Shake a Leg?" More, okay, I'm out of jokes.

Anyone else remember when that montage of Revenge of the Sith clips set to "Back in Black" was leaked to the Internet? I'm sure you can still find it online somewhere. It was put together by Lucasfilm and shown at some comic book convention. It was kind of corny, but not as corny as half the stuff that ended up in the actual movie.

General Grievous? R2-D2's Inspector Gadget-like assortment of weaponry? That weird-ass thing Ewan McGregor rides? Ian McDiarmid's "no, no, NEEEEOOOO!!!" line? At times I wasn't sure if I was watching a movie or a Pokémon fanatic's wet dream.

Notice how I put the accent mark over the "e" in Pokémon? I finally learned how to do that after fifteen years of typing on computers. I can do umlauts, too, as seen in Motörhead and Mötley Crüe. I owe it all to my new job. Thanks, new job. You're the best. Later we should get ice cream. Then we should make out. Our tongues will be all cold, but it will still feel good. I love you, new job.

My interview with the Bad Religion Podcast hasn't been posted yet. I'll let you know for sure when it is. Rock over London, rock on Deltona. Wheaties, the breakfast of champions.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Whip It (the Empire)



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Freedom of Choice by Devo. Released July of 1980. Features Devo's biggest hit ever, "Whip It." The other eleven songs? They can right fuck off! No, I'm teasing. There are a couple of really good tunes in addition to "Whip It." Of course, there are also a couple of really blah tunes, and a couple that sound like the soundtrack to a bargain bin Nintendo game. That's, what, eight songs? The remaining five, they can right fuck off!


- The line "two tracks in the snow" is heard in "Snowball" as Han is seen riding his Tauntaun through the blizzard on Hoth.

- A cymbal crash in "Freedom of Choice" coincides with Han losing his balance in the snow.

- "That's Pep" is playing when the Rebel soldiers in Echo Base celebrate the destruction of the Star Destroyer.


When a movie come along, you must synch it! If something's going wrong, don't try to fix it! I just made that up. Utter brilliance, I know.

Now I'm gonna do something that's long overdue. Ever since I started the GSWSP, a handful of people have been mad generous in hooking me up with CDs for my experiments. I'd be a fool if I didn't stop everything right now and drop total respect to these kind, supportive individuals.

Michael Poley, Robert McWhorter, Sheila Scoville, Andrew McMahon, Shane Bales, Chris Shields, Jon Clayton, Angela Meeks, Brad Meeks, and Matt Whiting: you are the bomb hizzy. I wouldn't have been able to rock this thing they way I have without you. I am forever grateful. Thank you.

If I've forgotten anyone, I'll be mortified. Please, remind me if you're stranded in the Forbidden Zone of my memory. I will rescue you post haste.

Also, I gotta give a big, messy thank you to all the regular GSWSP readers, especially the ones who leave me comments. It fills my heart with joy to know you're digging the craziness I'm layin' down. I love all of you.

Okay, enough of this huggy-kissy crap. I need to go eat me a steak and wash it down with some sasparilla. Tarnation!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Rock n' Roll Hoth School



The Empire Strikes Back (1995 "Faces" VHS).


End of the Century by the Ramones. Released in February of 1980. The infamous collaboration with Phil Spector that failed to bring the Ramones the commercial success they hoped to achieve. Perhaps hiring a wig-wearing, gun-toting alcoholic wasn't the best move on their part. Then again, the flawed partnership did produce some truly stellar moments ("Do You Remember Rock n' Roll Radio?," "Danny Says," and "I Can't Make It On Time," to name a few). The handful of bizarre stories that arose from the recording sessions were very entertaining as well. Spector, stop pointin' that gun at my bass player!


- "I'm Affected" starts as Luke's Tauntaun bristles seconds before the Wampa attack.

- Twice the line "I want you by my side" in "I'm Affected" coincides with Princess Leia looking at Han in the control room of Echo Base.

- The line "thinkin' 'bout you and me, and you and me" in "Danny Says" coincides with Luke closing his eyes inside the Wampa cave and using the Force to "think" his lightsaber into his hand.

- The last "go!" in "Let's Go" is rings out at Han exits Luke's room after the bust up with Leia.

- The line "baby, I love you" in "Baby I Love You" coincides with Chewbacca hugging Luke beneath the Millennium Falcon.

- The line "don't give up without a fight" in "This Ain't Havana" coincides with the Rebel soldiers lining up in the trench before the Hoth battle; that line is heard again as the snowspeeders take flight against the Imperial walkers.

- The phrase "things blow" in "All the Way" coincides with one of the snowspeeders blowing up; moments later "explode" is heard as Luke's snowspeeder is crippled by Imperial walker gunfire.


Other titles I considered for this experiment:

Darthy Says
Chinese Hoth
The Return of Vader and Judy
All the Way (to Dagobah)

I stand by my final decision.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Cool News/Not-So-Cool News

Cool news: I was interviewed today by Michael Bentley of The Bad Religion Podcast (link). Mike asked me about the origins of the GSWSP, what lead me to trying Bad Religion albums, and what I'll do once I find that one unique album that completely synchs up with Star Wars. The podcast featuring the JG2 Q&A sesh should be posted Wednesday, he said. I'll post a reminder when it's up.

Not-so-cool news: the original unaltered Star Wars films are still coming to DVD this September as unrestored, non-anamorphic bonus features pacakaged with the 2004 versions. Lucasfilm has had nothing more to say since their press release two weeks ago in which they stated there are no plans to ever restore the pre-Special Edition trilogy. Continued fan complaint has swayed George Lucas not, apparently. I guess once you release a movie that makes over $400 million dollars despite being cited as the biggest disappointment of the last millennium, you stop caring what other people think.

I was referring to The Phantom Menace there, by the way. Just in case you were thinking of some other really shitty, disappointing movie directed by George Lucas in the late nineties.

The Cold War is back on. I am officially bummed.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Super Sounds of 1980

Here are the albums I'm gonna be spinning with The Empire Strikes Back for "Super Sounds of 1980" next week:

6/05: Ramones - End of the Century
6/06: Devo - Freedom of Choice
6/07: AC/DC - Back in Black
6/08: Motorhead - Ace of Spades
6/09: Blondie - Greatest Hits

Why a Blondie greatest hits CD? Well, it's like this: "Call Me," the song that was number one the day Empire came out, never appeared on any of Blondie's studio albums. It was written and recorded for the American Gigolo soundtrack. Since then, the only place the song has appeared is on greatest hits and best of collections. I figured it would be slightly more interesting to use one of those greatest hits/best ofs as opposed to the Gigolo soundtrack. Most of the latter is dippy instrumental keyboard stuff.

As for End of the Century, well, look, I know it came out in February of 1980, a good four months before Empire was released. That totally goes against my self-imposed "Super Sounds" rule of only using records that came out between May and December of the year in question. Truth be told, the Ramones are just substituting for Queen, whose The Game album I could not get my hands on in time for next week. Sure, I could have bought it, but then I would have been violating a slightly more important self-imposed rule: do not spend more than $100 on CDs a month.

Don't freak; Queen will get their week. Let me add them to the loose list in my head of stuff I wanna do:

Rap Attack Episode II
Super Sounds of '83
Super Sounds of the Special Editions
Iggy and the Stooges
Hair Metal Week
Albums Featuring Songs About Star Wars

By the way, I am totally open to suggestion for upcoming themes. What do you people want me to try? Let me know, and I'll do my best to get it together!

Friday, June 02, 2006

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie & Vader Show



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Go Simpsonic with the Simpsons, another volume of musical mayhem to follow up Songs in the Key of Springfield. Here you get Homer singing the "Flintstones" theme, the Poochie rap song, the Canyonero commercial (as sung by Hank Williams, Jr.), a bunch of songs from the Shary Bobbins episode, Hank Scorpio's theme, the infamous Ramones guest shot, and oh so much more. Interesting fact: U2's part in "The Garbage Man Can" is absent on this CD, replaced by studio singers. Guess Bono wasn't down with having a "Simpsons" album in his discography.


- The line "I'm checkin' in" in "You're Checkin' In" is heard as R2-D2 rolls up to Luke and C-3PO after the Jawa's auction, as if to "check in" for service.

- The line "here he is!" heard during the first part of "The Simpsons Family Smile-Time Variety Hour" coincides with Obi-Wan walking over the hill towards Luke and R2.

- During the "Mr. Sparkle" presentation, at one point it sounds like the Japanese announcer says, "Jedi!" The camera is on Obi-Wan when this happens.

- The line "he is an Englishman" during the "H.M.S. Pinafore" medley coincides with a shot of Admiral Motti, who is played by an Englishman; the next line, "he remains an Englishman," is heard as the camera is on another Imperial officer portrayed by an Englishman.

- Homer's "huh?" after the Germans interrupt his daydream about the Land of Chocolate coincides with the bartender in the cantina turning around after Luke tugs on his sleeve.


Well, this was about as exciting as a trip to the DMV. Seriously, I've had more thrills eating rye toast! Is this thing on? Sheesh, tough crowd. I got more laughs at Nuremberg!

Next week's theme? "Super Sounds of 1980." Five albums from the year The Empire Strikes Back came out, spun with that very movie, of course. Schedule up soon. Also, another commentary on the DVD controversy and something about a podcast (say what?). Stay tuned, looney tunes.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Bantha on Board



Star Wars (1995 "Faces" VHS).


Songs in the Key of Springfield, the first in a series of two albums compiling the best musical moments from animated juggernaut "The Simpsons." This one includes the Stonecutter's anthem, Tony Bennett's "Capitol City," the monorail song, "Baby on Board," Oh, Streetcar! and Stop the Planet of the Apes in their entirety, and more versions of the "Simpsons" end credits theme than you can shake a stick at.


- The phrase "eyes so bright" in "Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?" coincides with a closeup of C-3PO, whose eyes are glowing bright yellow.

- During Lisa's conversation with the deceased Bleeding Gums Murphy, various incarnations of James Earl Jones characters show up and offer their advice; Darth Vader is onscreen when Mufasa says, "you must avenge my death, Kimba - I mean, Simba!" and when Jones himself says, "This is CNN" (ironically, Vader is not onscreen when the Darth Vader on the CD says, "Luke, I am your father!").

- Someone says, "Whatsamattah, honey? You lost?" during Oh, Streetcar! as C-3PO is seen wandering through the Tatooine desert, obviously lost.

- The line "fight, fight, fight" in "The Itchy & Scratchy Show" theme coincides with a shot of C-3PO hitting R2-D2 inside the sandcrawler.

- The maudlin "Hill Street Blues" version of the end credits theme starts when Luke gets up from the table and walks out to stare longingly at the Tatooine suns.

- The line "Uh oh, something's wrong" during Homer's peanut dialogue coincides with Luke staring at the abandoned Banthas through his binoculars; seconds later, the Tusken Raider pops up right as Homer gasps and yells, "Moving!"

- Milhouse's groans during the Squishy bender coincide with Luke coming to after the Tusken Raider attack.

- The camera is on Luke when the line "you're the pick of the litter!" is heard right before "See My Vest."

- The cantina band sways in time with the monorail song (it kind of looks like they're playing it, too).

- Han Solo and Chewbacca get up from the cantina table as Reverend Lovejoy asks his congregation to "please rise" before "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."


I can't believe Darth Vader wasn't onscreen when Darth Vader was talking on the CD. Oh, cruel irony! Why must you mock me like a fifth grader mocks a kindergartener? The pain is unbearable!